Diva Rambling: Mirrors Reflecting…?

I was having “issues” as we all must at times.  I found this interesting article for reflection. I thought you may enjoy. 
Friends you Hate….They mirror your flaws in ways you can’t see
A couple of years ago, I attended a meditation workshop in New York City. I immediately bonded with the girl I was sitting next to, and we became fast friends. We went to dinner that night and talked for hours. When I came to the city for work, we’d meet up and spend the day together. I met her friends; she met mine. We’d text long rambling updates about our lives. It was like best friends at first sight — until it wasn’t.
Only a few weeks after our meeting, the friendship faded out. Nothing “bad” happened. There was no drama. There were no hurt feelings. We just got distracted, and our lives carried on.
What I didn’t know then was that she and I had already served an important purpose in each other’s lives.
In the weeks we had been talking for hours at a time, we were often talking about just one thing: our recently failed relationships. I had come to realize something important about the trajectory of the relationship I was in at the time. This new friend and I, as it happened, were in nearly identical situations with our ex-boyfriends, left to decide whether we wanted to try again or let go.
The more my friend told me about her relationship, the more I thought she was naive. She was clearly mismatched with her partner and it was time for her to move on. I didn’t see it then, but I realize now that her situation was a mirror of my own, and the advice I wanted to give her was a projection of what I desperately needed to hear myself.
What we are looking for in relationships isn’t really love, it’s familiarity. And the exact same thing applies to friendship.
We hadn’t been drawn to each other by accident; there was a deep, unconscious psychological need we served for one another. And when I reviewed the few other friendships I’d had that had unfolded like this, I noticed an unnerving pattern.
John Gottman believes that finding your soulmate is not a random, chance encounter orchestrated by the divine, no matter what the movies would have you believe. He theorizes that your ideal partner is actually just someone who most matches your “love map,” your subconscious concept of a perfect match.
But in the shadows of our unconscious thinking, our preferences for a relationship aren’t always nice things like financial stability, relative attractiveness, or good communication. What we seek out may also be a reflection of our deepest, seediest needs.
For example, children of divorced parents tend to have more negative attitudes toward marriage as a whole and are ultimately less “optimistic about the feasibility of long-lasting, healthy marriage.” This isn’t because they’re cursed; it’s possibly because separation is part of their subconscious love map. What they first came to know as love was also separation or maybe abandonment, and that has become part of their concept of “love,” even if it very much is not.
This could also explain why some children of addicts will grow up to have adult relationships with addicts. Subconsciously, their intent may be to try to heal their partner in the way they could not heal their parent. Or, they may just not realize that they associate addictive behaviors with the comfort of their closest relationships.
Under this theory, what we are looking for in relationships isn’t really love, it’s familiarity. And the exact same thing applies to friendship.
Trying to change another person will not heal you.
It’s not a coincidence that you bond and “just click” with some people over others. In most cases, you have more in common with your closest friends than you think. You are often drawn to the people who have the same problems you want to heal within yourself, though you don’t know how.
When those relationships get challenging and you find yourself frustrated with their patterns of behavior — but you remain friends with them anyway — it’s often the case that you’re observing a mirrored pattern of your own behavior. You just don’t realize it.
We are usually unconscious of our own behavior, but we do observe it in others, often criticizing and making judgments about the person based on it. This can become a sort of obsession, the root of a love/hate relationship, the seed of jealousy, competition, and envy. And the things that most irritate us about others may show us what we cannot yet see within ourselves.
When we meet someone who has a similar wound to us, we feel it. We know there is something about them that equally draws us in and makes us want to push away. The problem is when we try to heal someone else’s wound in place of needing to heal our own.
It’s how so many people find themselves in toxic friendships. They’re attracted not to people who they connect with over shared interests or mutual respect, but to people whose worst behaviors are unconscious mirrors of their own. Instead of realizing that each person is responsible for their own reconciliation, they try to project the problem onto one another, police each other for it, and control one another’s behavior to create the change they really crave.
But trying to change another person will not heal you. It will not make you better.
There are millions and millions of people in the world. There are hundreds, if not potentially thousands, whose paths we cross. There are opportunities to connect everywhere, and yet most people end up with a small to moderate social circle, containing relationships that make them feel strongly one way or another.
This does not happen by coincidence.
The idea of your relationships being your greatest teachers might sound like another platitude, but that’s only because it is also true. Your relationships, and what you experience within them, are your most prime opportunities to see yourself more clearly, to understand who you are and what you care about, and to identify what you want to cherish and what you want to change.
So instead of trying to maneuver through life fixing other people and judging them for the ways in which they are not yet healed, consider that the wounds that trigger you most deeply in others are perhaps just reflections of your own. Perhaps what you most often think about them is really what you want to tell yourself.
WRITTEN BY
Brianna Wiest
Visit briannawiest.com for books & info. For daily words: instagram.com/briannawiest
Namaste, The Queen Cronista
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Diva Tasting: Royally Delicious Perogies..

Royally Delicious Perogies

Ingredients

Sauerkraut Filling:

  • 2 Tablespoons Butter

  • 1/3 Cup Chopped Onion

  • 1 1/2 Cups Sauerkraut, Drained And Minced

  • Salt And Pepper To Taste

  • Potato Filling:

  • 3 Tablespoons Butter

  • 1/2 Cup Chopped Onion

  • 2 Cups Cold Mashed Potatoes

  • 1 Teaspoon Salt

  • 1 Teaspoon White Pepper

Dough:

  • 3 Egg

  • 1 (8 Ounce) Container Sour Cream

  • 3 Cups All-Purpose Flour

  • 1/4 Teaspoon Salt

  • 1 Tablespoon Baking Powder

Directions

  1. To prepare the sauerkraut filling, melt the butter in a skillet over medium heat. Stir in the onion, and cook until translucent, about 5 minutes. Add the drained sauerkraut and cook for an additional 5 minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper, then remove to a plate to cool.

  2. For the mashed potato filling, melt the butter in a skillet over medium heat. Stir in the onion, and cook until translucent, about 5 minutes. Stir into the mashed potatoes, and season with salt and white pepper.

  3. To make the dough, beat together the eggs and sour cream until smooth. Sift together the flour, salt, and baking powder; stir into the sour cream mixture until dough comes together. Knead the dough on a lightly floured surface until firm and smooth. Divide the dough in half, then roll out one half to 1/8 inch thickness. Cut into 3 inch rounds using a biscuit cutter.

  4. Place a small spoonful of the mashed potato filling into the center of each round. Moisten the edges with water, fold over, and press together with a fork to seal. Repeat procedure with the remaining dough and the sauerkraut filling.

  5. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add perogies and cook for 3 to 5 minutes or until pierogi float to the top. Remove with a slotted spoon.

Diva Rambling: Spring Cleaning…

I’m into trying to bet back to my OCD cleaning habits again! Here are some tips I found.  I didn’t even think of several of them. Happy Cleaning…

10 Cleaning Mistakes That Actually Attract Germs in Your Home

Has it ever happened to you to clean your house and after you have finished it to see everything is dirtier than before? If you have been through that you should know that there are some mistakes you make and if you don’t fix the problem quickly it could make you waste your time, or even worse it could cause health issues.

So, next time you’re tidying up, avoid making these common cleaning mistakes and follow these fixes instead.

Mistake 1: Using the Same Rag Around the House

Why it’s dirty: Despite spritzing it with a cleaning solution, when you use the same rag in multiple spots around the house the rag hangs on to the grime from the previous surface and spreads it to whichever surface it touches next.

That means bathroom germs get wiped onto kitchen counters, the living room coffee table and anywhere else that cloth is used.

How to fix it: Use a new wad of paper towel for each surface cleaned, or have a microfiber cleaning cloth designated for each area of your home. Microfiber cleaning cloths can be tossed in the laundry or thoroughly washed after each use to remove gunk or grime.

Mistake 2: Using a Feather Duster

Why it’s dirty: No matter how much the advertisements for these dusters say the feathers “trap and lock dust,” they don’t. Feather dusters are notorious for spreading dust around a surface or pushing it off to fall to the ground, rather than removing it.

How to fix it: Use a microfiber cleaning cloth or a disposable paper towel with appropriate cleaning solution, depending on the surface being dusted.

Mistake 3: Not Cleaning the Vacuum

Why it’s dirty: When a vacuum filter hasn’t been changed or cleaned in a while, not only is the vacuum unable to pick up as much dirt and dust as it should, due to decreased suction, but dirt also is blown back into the air and carpet by the dusty vent.

How to fix it: Change or empty vacuum bags or canisters immediately after they become full. Wipe vacuum attachments, the hose and the vent with either a damp microfiber cleaning cloth or a moist paper towel, double-checking that the vacuum is unplugged first.

Mistake 4: Tossing Any Kitchen Tool into the Dishwasher

Why it’s dirty: Smaller kitchen tools like a garlic press, zester or cheese grater have small nooks and crannies that a dishwasher isn’t always able to blast. When food is left in these tools, it can become moldy and get into food the next time it is used.

How to fix it: Skip the dishwasher and wash by hand with dish soap and hot water, paying particular attention to corners and small holes.

Mistake 5: Placing a Toilet Brush Back into Its Holder Immediately :

Why it’s dirty: If a toilet brush is put right back into its holder right after use, the moisture and germs from the toilet get trapped in the container and the brush, where they breed and multiply. These germs are then rubbed back into your toilet the next time the brush is used.

How to fix it: After scrubbing, allow the toilet brush to dry completely before returning it to its holder.

Mistake 6: Skipping the Sink

Why it’s dirty: Whether it has a standard drain or a garbage disposal, sinks rapidly grow germs and bacteria due to being a moist environment where food particles tend to get stuck. This issue is compounded when food or standing water is left in the sink, the drain or the garbage disposal.

How to fix it: Wipe down the sink after each use and use these baking soda cleaning tips weekly to rid the drain and garbage disposal of germs.

Mistake 7: Cleaning from the Ground Up

Why it’s dirty: When sweeping, mopping or vacuuming the floor before cleaning the furniture, dust and crumbs fall from tables, counters and shelves, requiring you to re-clean the floor.

How to fix it: Clean a room from the top down. Start with windows, working down to tables and counters, chairs and couches, side and coffee tables, ending with the floor.

Mistake 8: Spraying Cleaner Directly on a Surface

Why it’s dirty: Spraying a cleaner directly onto furniture, countertops or glass can cause a buildup of the solution, leading to greasy furniture and surfaces, and streaky windows. This also could cause dirt and dust to stick to them more firmly.

How to fix it: Spray cleaning solution on a microfiber cleaning cloth or disposable paper towel, then wipe down surfaces.

Mistake 9: Not Cleaning the Washing Machine

Why it’s dirty: The skin cells, dust mites and stains from clothes can linger in a washing machine drum as well as on the lid or door and detergent dispenser. This leads to washing clothes in dirty water, and eventually they’ll turn stinky.

How to fix it: For a top-loading washer, start it on its longest and hottest wash setting. When the drum is nearly full of water, pour in 1 liter of vinegar and 1 cup of baking soda, leaving the lid open and allowing the mixture to sit in the paused cycle for at least an hour.

While the cycle is paused, clean the lid and any other visible nooks and crannies. Close the lid, allowing the wash cycle to run. Repeat vinegar and baking soda wash, if needed, then wipe down the inside of the washer and leave the lid open to allow the washer to dry completely.

For a front-loading washer, pour a solution of 1/4 cup each baking soda and water into the detergent compartment and pour 2 cups of vinegar into the drum. Set your machine to the hottest temperature and let it do its thing.

When the cycle is over, wipe the drum clean, along with the door, detergent compartment and exterior. Pay extra attention to the gasket. Remember to leave the door ajar between loads for the best air circulation.

Mistake 10: Washing a Cutting Board with Dish Soap

Why it’s dirty: While dish soap and hot water remove visible food residue from a cutting board, the cuts in wood and plastic cutting boards trap microscopic food particles. These breed bacteria that transfer to any foods you prepare on that cutting board.

How to fix it: Don’t put it in the dishwasher! A wooden cutting board can warp and crack, while a plastic cutting board can melt in the hot water and steamy environment of a dishwasher.

Instead, soak your cutting boards in hydrogen peroxide or a bleach solution (2 tablespoons of bleach and 1 gallon of water), rinse with water and dry completely. https://dreamhomeideas.club/

Namaste, The Queen Cronista 

Diva Tasting: Caprese Kabobs…

We’ve been running a series of appetizers this week for quick summer parties and dinners.  You can use as appetizers or serve several so guests and family can choose several for a light main course.

Caprese Kabobs

One of my daughters favorite treats is Caprese Salad. Here is little twist to make it easier for parties and dinner.

Ingredients

  • 1 Pint Cherry Tomatoes, Halved

  • 1 (.6 Ounce) Package Fresh Basil Leaves

  • 1 (16 Ounce) Package Small Fresh Mozzarella Ball

  • Toothpicks

  • 3 Tablespoons Olive Oil

  • Salt And Pepper To Taste

Directions

  1. Thread a tomato half, a small piece of basil leaf, and a mozzarella ball onto toothpicks until all ingredients are used. Drizzle the olive oil over the tomato, cheese and basil, leaving the end of the toothpick clean. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Serve immediately.

Diva Tasting: Ceviche Cocktail…

The Seafood Is To Marinate It In Citrus Juice Overnight, But I Find That The Poaching Process Is Faster And An Easy Way To Judge If It Is Cooked. You Can Buy Precooked Shrimp (but Not Frozen) And Just Poach The Scallops. A Sturdy Tortilla Chips Is Best For Serving.

Ceviche Cocktail

Ingredients

  • 1/2 Pound Sea Scallops

  • 1/2 Pound Shrimp, Peeled And Deveined

  • 1/2 Cup Fresh Lime Juice

  • 3 Tablespoons Fresh Lemon Juice

  • 1 Tablespoon Grated Lemon Zest

  • 1/2 Cup Halved, Thinly Sliced Red Onion

  • 1 Finely Chopped Red Bell Pepper

  • 1 Cup Diced Seeded Roma Tomato

  • 1 Small Serrano Chile Pepper, Seeded And Minced

  • 1/2 Cup Coarsely Chopped Fresh Cilantro

  • Kosher Salt To Taste

  • 1/8 Teaspoon Ground Cumin

  • 1 Avocado, Diced

  • 2 Tablespoons Olive Oil

Directions

  1. Remove the tough side muscles from scallops, if necessary; slice scallops in half horizontally.

  2. Fill a 1-quart saucepan 3/4 full with salted water and bring it to a boil. Add scallops and reduce heat to a bare simmer. Poach scallops until just cooked through, about 1 minute. Use a slotted spoon to transfer the scallops to a bowl of ice water to stop the cooking process.

  3. Return the water to a boil and poach shrimp in the same manner, transferring them to a bowl of ice water after they become opaque inside and turn pink, 2 to 3 minutes.

  4. Drain the scallops and shrimp well and pat dry; place them in a glass or ceramic bowl and pour in lime juice and orange juice. Cover and refrigerate for 30 minutes.

  5. Pour off most of the juice from the seafood (just leave it moist) and mix in orange zest, red onion, red and yellow bell peppers, tomato, chile pepper, cilantro, salt, cumin, and cayenne pepper. Refrigerate an additional 30 minutes. Just before serving, gently mix in avocado and drizzle the ceviche with olive oil. Serve in martini glasses or stemmed margarita glasses.

  6. Please Note That The Serving Size Is Meant For Appetizer Portions.”

Diva Ranting: Intolerant Behavior is NOT OK…

I spent many years in workforce’s where harassing behaviors were laughed at and encouraged.  Physical abuse and verbal were the norm of the day; mostly by men.  I myself was lucky, everyone knew I was the witch from hell, and not to mess with me.  But some of my colleagues were not so lucky, nor did they possess the assertiveness to stand up for themselves.  I found myself mouthing off to idiots more than I should.  I didn’t care what it did to my career.  Fortunately the big bosses did not find it a problem.  It was the little men with…shall we say little egos that were usually at fault.  And, sadly, women who wanted the show the men they had balls bigger than church bells, were a nemesis to everyone as well. You have the right to be treated as a human in all environments (unless you act like a wild beast; a topic for another blog). Here are a few coping mechanisms I think you’ll like.  Love yourself enough to use these or other you have.  Please share if you have a good one.  It will help a lot of people.  Love and Light, Namaste, The Queen Cronista…
Intolerant Behavior is NOT OK; Anywhere or at Any Time…
I’m OK, you’re OK!, Change your thoughts, change your life. You become what you think. These are all forms popular quotes from all the motivational speakers ever. For the most part I think that most all cognitive behavioral therapy throws the burden of abnormal behavior on us. If you change how you feel you will change your world! You will no longer feel as depressed or anxious. Don’t get me wrong. I do believe that there are certain responsibilities for the souls who are needing to just get over it. When the problems are under your personal control then often discipline, commitment and dedication to a thing is all that is required.
However, when the problems originate outside of your control, then changing your thinking can be like stepping into a horrid terror film where you start having to attempt persuade yourself things are OK when your spirit tells you they are not. How does this improve anyone’s mental well being? It doesn’t! So, when things are out of your personal wheelhouse, and you are sinking into the bog of eternal anxiety and depression, what might you do? I am not seeking to be the guru of all things wonderful. I merely wish to suggest some things to place in your psyche’s toolbox that may help you individually.
1) If the threat is real see what help you can get. It could be that the police, medical assistance, 911, etc. There may be support groups, hotlines, or shelters out there to lend support. If one is dealing with a significant threat, it is not nonsense to feel anxious, fearful, or depressed. Be clear that your feelings are totally appropriate in the moment. Find an approach were you can see them and where you can to try and avoid being overwhelmed by them. Work escape from it – you won’t be able to think clearly until the problem is dealt with.
2) Now risk asses what’s going on. If the source is primarily functioning as a trigger mechanism and isn’t a threat in its own, then go for meditation. See if you can summon the courage to look at the mechanics ; can you change anything? If the threat is in the past and not in the current moment…that can help. See if you can gain a new outlook on it; talk to someone if necessary. The choices are yours at this point; see if you can choose wisely now.
3) Define the specific problem. Tie down exactly what is making you feel uneasy. If that’s triggering you into other problematic things, acknowledge it, but do not focus on it. This can trigger more than it can help. Take yourself and the situation seriously.
4) An ongoing threat, it is going to take a toll no matter what. Examples such as domestic abuse, workplace bullying, or any other tortuous act created by society and political structures. Sometimes there is no ‘away’ to escape. As the person suffering it should not be your responsibility to fix intolerant behaviors. Inability to cope is not a sign of weakness or illness. It is a natural, response to something inhuman. There are agencies to report it to. You need to take steps to remove the threat or yourself or it may impact your health long-term.
5) If you can get away from this intolerant behavior, do so, Get whatever safe space you can and you will eventually calm down and be able to breathe again.
6 Should your risk analysis determine that the problem is happening right now, then how you respond will depend a lot on the problem itself. Usually you must deal with a threat or remove yourself immediately. If you feel the threat is a little one, then meditating on how it makes you feel, or securing help to deal with it may suffice.
Just know that if something panics you and you seem to loose your sense of reason, then try and find someone trustworthy and knowledgeable on how to work it through with you.
There are many who live with panic and fear. There is almost always someone or some institution nearby to lend a helping hand. Learn to use your resources and get the help you need to move on. Bullying and harassing workplaces are NOT OK. Namaste, The Queen Cronista

Diva Tasting: Portobello Bow Tie Pasta 2 ..

Portobello Bow Tie Pasta 2 

Ingredients

1 (8 Ounce) Package Uncooked Bow Tie Pasta

2 Tablespoons Vegetable Oil

2 Pounds Portobello Mushrooms, Thinly Sliced

1/2 Cup Butter

1/4 Cup All-Purpose Flour

2 Large Cloves Garlic, Minced

1/2 Teaspoon Dried Basil

2 Cups Cream

2 Cups Shredded Mozzarella Cheese

1 Cup Colby Jack Cheese Shredded

2 (10 Ounce) Packages Frozen Chopped Spinach, Thawed/Drained

1/4 Cup Soy Sauce

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a 9×13 inch baking dish.

2. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Place pasta in the pot, cook for 8 to 10 minutes, until al dente, and drain.

3. Heat the oil in a saucepan over medium heat. Stir in the mushrooms, cook 1 minute, and set aside. Melt butter in the saucepan. Mix in flour, garlic, and basil. Gradually mix in cream until thickened. Stir in 1 cup Colby and 1 cup mozzarella cheese until melted. Remove saucepan from heat, and mix in cooked pasta, mushrooms, spinach, (Chicken optional) and soy sauce. Transfer to the prepared baking dish, and top with remaining mozzarella cheese.

4. Bake 20 minutes in the preheated oven, until bubbly and lightly brown.

5. Variation: Add 2 Cups of shredded rotisserie chicken to for protein lovers.