I spent many years in workforce’s where harassing behaviors were laughed at and encouraged. Physical abuse and verbal were the norm of the day; mostly by men. I myself was lucky, everyone knew I was the witch from hell, and not to mess with me. But some of my colleagues were not so lucky, nor did they possess the assertiveness to stand up for themselves. I found myself mouthing off to idiots more than I should. I didn’t care what it did to my career. Fortunately the big bosses did not find it a problem. It was the little men with…shall we say little egos that were usually at fault. And, sadly, women who wanted the show the men they had balls bigger than church bells, were a nemesis to everyone as well. You have the right to be treated as a human in all environments (unless you act like a wild beast; a topic for another blog). Here are a few coping mechanisms I think you’ll like. Love yourself enough to use these or other you have. Please share if you have a good one. It will help a lot of people. Love and Light, Namaste, The Queen Cronista…
Intolerant Behavior is NOT OK; Anywhere or at Any Time…
“I’m OK, you’re OK!, Change your thoughts, change your life. You become what you think. These are all forms popular quotes from all the motivational speakers ever. For the most part I think that most all cognitive behavioral therapy throws the burden of abnormal behavior on us. If you change how you feel you will change your world! You will no longer feel as depressed or anxious. Don’t get me wrong. I do believe that there are certain responsibilities for the souls who are needing to just get over it. When the problems are under your personal control then often discipline, commitment and dedication to a thing is all that is required.
However, when the problems originate outside of your control, then changing your thinking can be like stepping into a horrid terror film where you start having to attempt persuade yourself things are OK when your spirit tells you they are not. How does this improve anyone’s mental well being? It doesn’t! So, when things are out of your personal wheelhouse, and you are sinking into the bog of eternal anxiety and depression, what might you do? I am not seeking to be the guru of all things wonderful. I merely wish to suggest some things to place in your psyche’s toolbox that may help you individually.
1) If the threat is real see what help you can get. It could be that the police, medical assistance, 911, etc. There may be support groups, hotlines, or shelters out there to lend support. If one is dealing with a significant threat, it is not nonsense to feel anxious, fearful, or depressed. Be clear that your feelings are totally appropriate in the moment. Find an approach were you can see them and where you can to try and avoid being overwhelmed by them. Work escape from it – you won’t be able to think clearly until the problem is dealt with.
2) Now risk asses what’s going on. If the source is primarily functioning as a trigger mechanism and isn’t a threat in its own, then go for meditation. See if you can summon the courage to look at the mechanics ; can you change anything? If the threat is in the past and not in the current moment…that can help. See if you can gain a new outlook on it; talk to someone if necessary. The choices are yours at this point; see if you can choose wisely now.
3) Define the specific problem. Tie down exactly what is making you feel uneasy. If that’s triggering you into other problematic things, acknowledge it, but do not focus on it. This can trigger more than it can help. Take yourself and the situation seriously.
4) An ongoing threat, it is going to take a toll no matter what. Examples such as domestic abuse, workplace bullying, or any other tortuous act created by society and political structures. Sometimes there is no ‘away’ to escape. As the person suffering it should not be your responsibility to fix intolerant behaviors. Inability to cope is not a sign of weakness or illness. It is a natural, response to something inhuman. There are agencies to report it to. You need to take steps to remove the threat or yourself or it may impact your health long-term.
5) If you can get away from this intolerant behavior, do so, Get whatever safe space you can and you will eventually calm down and be able to breathe again.
6 Should your risk analysis determine that the problem is happening right now, then how you respond will depend a lot on the problem itself. Usually you must deal with a threat or remove yourself immediately. If you feel the threat is a little one, then meditating on how it makes you feel, or securing help to deal with it may suffice.
Just know that if something panics you and you seem to loose your sense of reason, then try and find someone trustworthy and knowledgeable on how to work it through with you.
There are many who live with panic and fear. There is almost always someone or some institution nearby to lend a helping hand. Learn to use your resources and get the help you need to move on. Bullying and harassing workplaces are NOT OK. Namaste, The Queen Cronista
Guilty even if innocent….
Yours truly was confronted by someone still incensed from something I was supposed to have done in November 2018. I never heard of it and when I was shown what I was supposed to have posted on a the sacred website it was shown to be me but I didn’t do it. Those who have followed The Crones for anytime know we don’t give a horses ass about your stuff. We admit our craziness and faults and we never intend to intentionally offend anyone. But here it was full blown. The person said she was so mad she wanted to slap me. My response if you felt that way you should have, that day, not festered on it for four months before telling me; even if I was guilty until proven innocent in your eyes.
My point in this is, that in this modern world of chaos where it seems more and more people wake up invested in being incensed, we can’t win. If you don’t have the tits up to come and look me in the eye and speak your mind we cannot resolve an issue. With some, so cloaked in their own self righteousness, you will never resolve it like adults. Mother Teresa would say…love them anyway and move on (or words to that effect).
These days we will always have those cloak and dagger folks out there maligning us without our knowing. I don’t care but you may. Anyway, don’t let anyone rain on your parade. If you focus on darkness you get more darkness or even the devil himself. I choose the light of saying oh well, don’t sweat the petty stuff and don’t pet the sweaty stuff LOL!
Don’t get us wrong. We are salty old crones with hearts of gold but as fierce as any warrior on the planet if you take us on. Don’t get me wrong….I love pitching a good “hissy fit” for a good cause. Right is Right!
I’ve decided that since no matter what We do somebody’s going to pick us apart every day. Rather than have to listen to a diatribe of uneducated people’s tripe and bologna, let’s just post our own list. They can check off the ones they want to pick on that day and feel fulfilled.
> We/me and my peeps still won’t give a hoot and everybody’s happy LOL. I’ll start:
> Please place a check mark next to every insult you want me to feel bad about today…
> She’s fat
> She wears too make up
> She overdresses
> She looks me in the eyes and intimidates me.
> She’s a salty old crone.
> She makes me face things head on; I hate that.
>She’s blunt and says what she thinks; makes me uncomfortable
> She think she’s the Queen of the Cosmos?
> She’s an intellectual snob
> She’s mean to mean people right back!!!
> She scares me
> I hate her
Here’s a few for starters… Knock yourselves out LOL… me and my peeps will be doing our yoga and not really caring at all. My personal Facebook posse liked the idea.
Mean What You Said
Here in the South we use words like sweetheart, angel, precious, Sweetie, dear, as terms of endearment. Yet there are those outside our Southern culture who are insulted by this show of human affection.
If it’s someone that I know or I don’t know… well, it’s still a term of endearment and when it comes out of my mouth I mean it. I mean it as a term in endearment, I mean it as a term that you are someone special to me, I mean it as I noticed and acknowledged you. I won’t change that part of my upbringing for anyone. You don’t have to accept our terms of endearment, just as we don’t accept your gift of being incensed over everything, every body does, all the time.
Me and my Southern Divas will keep doing what we’re doing with love and good intention, because our Daddy’s and Mamas raised us right. You keep doing what your doing because you want to be that way. Me and my posse will keep giving the love.
Disclaimer: If you hear a Southern Woman say…”Bless your little heart!” as a punctuation to a disagreement…run for the hills. She is ready to rip out your heart and bake it in a pie!
No Bake Boston Cream
For The Crust:
Ingredients For The Filling:
Ingredients For The Ganache:
6 Ounces Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chunks Or Chips
1/4 C+ 2 Tbsp Cup Heavy Cream Or Half And Half
1 ½ Tbsp Granulated Sugar
1 ½ Tbsp Corn Syrup
How to make the crust:
Line a 13″x 9″ pan with aluminum foil or parchment paper. Set aside. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.
Place graham crackers in the food processor. Add sugar and process until combined.
Slowly drizzle in the melted butter and process until the crust comes together.
Place the crust into prepared pan and press down firmly.
Bake the crust for 7 to 8 minutes.
Set aside to cool completely. (Baking the crust will prevent it’s crumbling when slicing the dessert.)
Ingredients to make the filling:
Place cream cheese in the food processor. Process until creamy, 10 to 15 seconds.
Add vanilla extract, pudding mix and sugar. Process until well combined.
Add the whipped topping in two additions, process just until combined. Do not over mix.
Scoop the filling onto the ready crust. Spread evenly. Smooth the top out with an offset spatula.
Place the pan in a fridge to chill until set (2 hours to overnight).
Ingredients to make the ganache:
Place the chocolate in a medium mixing bowl.
Place the cream, sugar and corn syrup in a medium saucepan and heat to just boiling. Remove from heat.
Pour the cream over the chocolate. Do not mix! Let stand 5 minutes.
Whisk the ganache until smooth. Let cool to room temperature.
Pour the ganache over the filling or top each slice just before serving.