In Your Honor- Re-post
I find my self being a little judgy smurf lately. I’m sick of wining, holier than thou personalities who make me want to puke. I’m into you being you. Me being me and a happy acceptance is in there somewhere. But if you are a wining complaining, over entitled butt hole, then screw this crap…I’m moving to Narnia! I found this food for thought by a couple of writers that may help us analyze our current state of mind (if you are suffering the same condition as me right now). It’s a little long but thought provoking. I like t learn new perspectives each day. I hope this is good for you too. Namaste, The Queen Cronista…
Are You Secretly Judgmental Of Others? Why It’s An Important Clue About Your Inner World
By Katie & Gay Hendricks
Do you notice that you often secretly judge others?
For example, your sister tells you about a new car she bought and you think, She can’t possibly afford that car on her salary. She’s so irresponsible about money. Or your partner leaves his dirty dishes in the sink before heading out to meet his friends and you think, He’s so lazy and sloppy. It drives me bananas. Throughout the day, every day, you find yourself silently criticizing others.
My co-worker at work has gotten scatter-brained… my neighbor is too nosy… my friend is too self-absorbed with posting selfies on social media…
What does this all mean?
Are you surrounded by people who don’t have their act together?
Is society just falling apart?
Or is this a clue about something way deeper and way more fundamental about YOU? How Your Relationship With Others Brings Up The Next Biggest Thing You Need To Learn About Yourself
When we judge others or feel our “buttons being pushed” by the things they say and do, we may actually be projecting our feelings onto others.
We are accusing others of the very things we disown or reject about ourselves.
Here’s how it works…
Let’s say you have a fear of rejection that stems from something far back in childhood. More than likely, you’re unaware of this fear. You haven’t yet acknowledged it. Or you know about it, but reject that it’s an issue. Your subconscious mind is aware of it, though. And that part of your mind will always seek opportunities to work out this old issue. It will lead you into situations where you can bring that fear into your awareness.
In other words, you will enter into relationships with people who will “trigger” that fear or unacknowledged emotion inside you. You will attract a relationship where your partner will withdraw, act cold, make plans with his or her friends instead of with you, have a hobby they love that doesn’t (or can’t) involve you, etc. Instead of causing you to face and accept your fear, their behavior will cause you to be secretly judgmental or critical.
You don’t think, Hmm, I’m feeling afraid that he’s going to abandon me and I’ll be alone again. Instead you think, He never spends time with me, he’s off having fun instead of fixing these things around the house, he’s wasting money playing golf all day when he should be saving money and spending the day with me.
Another example – let’s say that you consider yourself a neat, tidy and financially conservative person. You keep your home and car clean and you never spend more than you make. But deep down, you’re really someone who wishes they could forgo responsibility for a while, kick up their feet and be self-indulgent for a change. However, you don’t want to admit that to yourself. It’s just not something you accept about yourself, for whatever reason. Maybe in childhood you were rejected for being that way.
Your creative mind will actually draw you into situations where you are around people who seem sloppy, irresponsible and flaky. And instead of admitting that you’re a little bit like them, you will find yourself secretly complaining about them.
What Do You Need To Accept About Yourself In Order To Love Yourself?
When you don’t, or can’t, acknowledge your feelings or accept something about yourself, it’s a sign that deep down, you don’t love yourself. And if you don’t love yourself, you’ll never feel completely at peace with yourself and the world around you.
You’ll always find something to complain about, and the people in your life will always seem to be less than perfect, because YOU think you’re less than perfect. Unless you can learn to love yourself, and accept yourself and your feelings, you’ll never be able to be fully loved by anyone else, either.
How This One Breakthrough Can Change Your Whole Life
There was a time in my life many years ago when I so badly wanted love and acceptance, but all I did was criticize my (ex) wife and accuse her of being nit-picky and too sensitive.
I had several other unhappy relationships in my 20s and 30s before I met Katie. I thought women were too critical and too obsessed with talking about feelings. I didn’t fully believe them when they said they loved me or wanted me to be happy. The truth was, I was out of touch with my own feelings. I wasn’t “sensitive” enough to what my mind and heart wanted and needed. Therefore, I projected those unacknowledged aspects of myself onto others. I was secretly judgmental.
It wasn’t until I had a major breakthrough in my life where I finally learned how to love myself that all that changed. I met and fell in love with Katie, lost 100 pounds and exploded my career.I had discovered something transformational. That’s why everything that Katie and I teach is rooted in the fundamental concept of loving yourself first.
- The surefire way to know if you’re subconsciously perpetuating a pattern in your relationship – and what to do to dismantle it for good
- How to feel completely appreciated for all that you are (your relationship will become a constant source of rejuvenation and inspiration)
- The two big yet often hidden fears that can cause you to keep experiencing pain in relationships
- The real reason you feel run-down and overextended in life and love – and how 10 minutes a week can help you feel recharged and in love again
- How to share even the trickiest feelings in a way that won’t make your partner defensive – instead, they’ll want to listen more deeply to you
Learning to love yourself in a relationship is seeing that you will create the very situations you need that allow you to experience the parts of yourself you cannot love.
When you do that, you stop seeing the “wrong” in others. You stop being triggered all the time and you become a less judgmental person. When you love all of yourself, as if by magic, you will find yourself being completely loved by others.
There is the famous quote: “There is none so blind as she/he who will not see…” If you know someone like this you know a narcissist. They are one of the most malignant forces on our planet. They are the cause of mental abuse and violence against others universally. This article was inspired by a blog I recently received from a friend, and I give it to you to console, lighten, and uplift hearts that are subjugated to one or more of these people. They hide in our schools, churches, in our families and especially in our political realms globally. Do not beat yourself up is you are dealing with this. Love yourself enough to gather the strength to rid yourself of them in your life. I call them “psychic sponges” because their dominance, drama or whatever they hide it under is serious and malignant to you. I share this because I have a friend going through this now and they deserve better, as do you.
Namaste, The Queen Cronista
Narcissistic Abuse and Anxiety Disorders…General Review…
In this chaotic world anxiety disorders now show roots back in the earliest of human existence. Humans need it to survive in the volatile world in which they live. Anxiety is considered an inexplicable feeling of unease, nervousness and worry. It is true that we have evolved past the mores of our ancestors. So, what makes it happen in our modern world?
Some say it connects and is due to psychological and emotional abuse during ones childhood.. It has been found that early-life stress has a profound effect on the CNS (central nervous system) and that it reoccurs in adults in later life.
All venues agree that abuse, on any level at a young age, leaves deep psychological scars on the victims mental health. It may cause PTSD, anxiety, super-sensitivity and stress in the neuro stress response systems. These abuses may result in a distinct possibility of serious disorders such as anxiety and major depression occurrences.
Some studies suggest that narcissistic abuse is one of the most harmful types of psychological abuse that exists. It tends to leave the victim unable to think and reason clearly. These increased stressors eventually leads to adrenal fatigue. The ultimate outcome for some will be anxiety disorders, major depression and often both. This will increase the susceptibility to the narcissistic abuser and ones own inability to escape it.
Often the abused and the abuser feed off of each others enabling behaviors and the victim never realizes it. These malignant narcissists victims are the ones who are loving, gentle, empathetic humans who choose to see only the good in others including the abusive narcissist. This, then, makes the victim a good and willing target for the narcissists malignant, manipulative behaviors. The victim becomes nothing more than prey caught in a vat of narcissistic goo. Malignant narcissist love to pull the victim into the darkness with them and hold them there indefinitely.
Narcissists will leach every last drop of resistant from their prey and reduce them to feeling small and more dependent on these perpetrators. It’s like the old movie “Gas Light” they work on the victims brain and make them think they are loosing their minds. When confronted these malignant personalities will always turn the table back on the victim further lowering their self esteem. Thus they reinforce the old cliché …”A lie told a thousand times becomes truth”…This strategy of the “malignant” eventually leads to the victims to social avoidance, feelings of total disassociation, fatigue and complete physical and mental disability.
Sadly victims do not understand that the malignant narcissist has intentionally left them unable to fight, trapped in a vicious cycle of abuse they cannot extricate themselves from nor any longer deal with society.
Much of the research agrees that this type of abuse is far worse than even physical abuse. It leaves the abused victims unable to deal with life or to even recognize why. If you know such victims, encourage them to seek help from a mental health therapist. Let them know you see it and it is NOT their fault.
If you are a victim of such abuse KNOW that you are NOT at fault. You never have been. If you keep seeking the light of compassion and empathy you will eventually rise above. If you need help then get the professional help you deserve. Don’t let the darkness win.
- 1. a person who is obsessed with their own power.
- 1. exhibiting megalomania.
So, I’m sitting at drive through at a fast food getting some tea (a rare thing for me). Some idiot comes flying down the drive through going the wrong way and almost hits me head on. I had no where to go! What’s with that? I swear I cannot even wast time pondering what kind of megalomaniac does things like this. Not only risking others lives but their own. I am the wrong Diva to pick on any day. I’m sure I’ll be shot for taking a stand someday, but at least I take a stand against bullying any day of the week.
Then there was the numb nuts raging down my one way lane at the super mart parking. I was almost to the end of the lane with cars on all sides. He comes racing in about 4 cars in on the wrong side. I had no where to go. He only had to back out 3 car lengths, me a whole aisle. He begins to blow his horn and flip me off. I smiled, put my car in park and picked up a magazine to read. He finally had to back up cursing all the way. I sat there until he was out of the way. In his all about me world it didn’t dawn on his sorry ass someone would take a stand for their inability to back up. P.S. He was in a Teeny-Weenie Mobile…so that tells you something.
In a world gone awry we need to be more thoughtful with each action we take. If Karma has taught us anything …there is always a price to pay…good, bad, or indifferent for every action we Choose to take. Think and Love…
Namaste, The Queen Cronista
After 42 years of working for Fortune 500 companies, you will find that I harp on this a lot…
A bad manager is the death of all organizations. They take the cream of the crop and make them run away, thus leaving the unmotivated, uncaring with no conscious about their paychecks or your bottom line.
An advanced Ivy League degree does NOT a manager make. All the book learning, statistics and feel good classes in the world does not give anyone the common sense, the intestinal fortitude nor the savvy, street smarts Nor the HEART to get the job done!
I watched for years the pattern of stupidity that has brought this country to a grinding halt in ethics, prosperity, and creativity. I watched as the moron my recruiter hired from a top tier school floundered and played in his/her nepotistic position, while the kid I took from the mail room, got them to complete their degree and promoted for good results, exceed expectations on a daily basis. They would outshine the privileged corporate brat every time.
Until we recognize this, celebrate this, honor this again in this country we will continue to fail and loose ground in the world markets and industry. A CEO of a National Auto Manufacturer in Detroit, once told me, over dinner, (when I was nineteen years old)…”You can send a fool to college and s/he is still a fool!” I never forgot that. I built all of my teams with that thought in mind. Every team won awards for industry excellence every year. One team saved the company over 40 million dollars in just 6 months by just being treated as professionals and being given autonomy to get the job done. I still salute them as the special forces of industry. Gone are the days!
Namaste, The Queen Cronista
Hobgoblins to Productivity…
Yesterday we spoke of Bad Management. Today let’s expand our thoughts to another hobgoblin of industry and organizational development. Inconsistency!!!!!! I use to end up in charge of every large national corporate initiative in my companies. Tight deadlines, no resources and still had to manage my department along with the extra pressure. NO Breaks! None of that was a problem for me. I recruited the right people to have my back and turned them loose….Project Done!
The problem was we would train, implement and provide the resources to make it work and the managers who refused to let their egos be told what to do would blindside everything. Even threaten employees with no raises if they did as new corporate mandates required. It was these dinosaurs that created inconsistencies that brought their team down. Their refusal to come into the new world of technology and training. One manager even told his team he would fire any one who even turned on a computer! Lovely, gent that one. His turnover was 150 percent annually and never once did his teams succeed. Still he never got it. EGO is another word for “Edging Good Out”.
I eventually saw to it these people were demoted or fired after office audits. However, it did not prevent us from loosing those good employees who bailed to get away from the inconsistencies created by the EGO-maniacs Dinosaurs. That was the true loss. If a company put out an initiative and its management teams do not support it, the inconsistencies have long reaching disasters. Cause and Effect. Those mistakes will show up on someone else watch. This will create a whole new plethora of disaster to deal with in the long haul.
Recognize this early. Learn to work around these egos and their stupidity. It can be done. Remember, its easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission. Be the force that has Heart and creates consistency for your teams. They will love you for it. I promise.
P.S. This goes for your children as well….
Namaste, The Queen Cronista
When People Do Bad Things to Me.
-If they do bad things against you, what can you do?
Tell them they don’t get to vote and what they think of you, is none of your business anyway. Remember, you are the Diva, off with their heads.
-If you son’t accept bad people what other option do you have?
It’s your kingdom, ban them from your presence and the rest of the kingdom will eventually ostracize their sorry asses too. If they persist and trespass on you “aura” again…Off with their heads!
-If you don’t accept them should you be upset? Certainly not!
So for your own sake, accept people and the situation as they are, so that your mind becomes calm. Then you do what you want to do. Only you get to vote in your kingdom. You are the true wisdom of your own soul. Don’t let the bad guys rent space in your psyche, it will poison your soul. Seek the like minded, surround yourself with supportive (but non sycophant)souls. If the others press to intrude…Off with their heads!!!!
This reality check is brought to you by the Cronistas. It will save you thousands in therapy fees. We love and support our Divas and all of the uniqueness that makes our world a better place. Thank You.
Namaste, The Queen Cronista