I read this one with interest. I agree and disagree but it is beautifully written. I’ve always been a warrior princess from the beginning. My Italian, Catholic, Southern father always said I was found in a cabbage patch because I wasn’t like other girls! I always asked…”What’s your point?” He’d walk away shaking his head and laughing. I once had a CEO I was reporting to at a fortune 500 company tell me that I got away with more in corporate America than anyone he’d ever known. Followed with …”but I say that in a good way!” So my comfort from an early age recognizes this article from a different perspective. It is definitely share-worthy. Namaste, The Queen Cronista….
When the heroine says no to the next heroic task, there is extreme discomfort…When a woman stops doing, she must learn how to simply be. Being is not a luxury, it is a discipline. The heroine must listen carefully to her true inner voice. That means silencing the other voices anxious to tell her what to do. She must be willing to hold the tension until the new form emerges…
In mythology and fairy tales, the hero’s journey is the template that involves a hero who goes on an adventure,  wins a victory, and then returns transformed.
This is the general Rite of Passage structure – separation, facing and overcoming a challenge, and returning to the community transformed and recognized as different. For example, the child is now recognized as an adult, the boy is now recognized as a man.
This is the framework I learned when I trained in Rites of Passage facilitation because I learned from men about this male version of the story.
But guess what – it’s different for women and more complex. 
Your Heroine’s Journey
In our mythological stories and narratives, the woman is often simply waiting for her man to come home from his quest. In The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo, there is an example of this. Or she’s waiting for her man to come and save her, as in Sleeping Beauty.
And we’re supposed to be satisfied with this. Plus there’s the narrative that men will protect us from having to go on our own quest, our own journey. Yes, it’s changing, but it’s slow. My mother’s story and my grandmother’s story have unfolded in the last 85 years – and their story is mine also.
Maureen Murdock in 1990, was the first to offer an alternative for women to Joseph Campbell’s famous “Hero’s Journey” narrative. So here’s the outline of the Heroine’s Journey as introduced by the wonderful Ms. Murdock. 
Embarking on Your Own Heroine’s Journey
First, there’s the rejection of the feminine. Even in the era of the housewife, the nurturing mother was not necessarily present. Women were often unfulfilled and resentful and were definitely not celebrated. Nurturing affectionate love towards children was often withheld.
So the daughter rejects the mother and idealizes the father – the hero. She vies for male attention and approval.
She struggles with self-doubt, the voice of the inner critic, and works to overcome her internalization of the myth of female inferiority.
She then undertakes the male version of the hero’s journey. She faces challenges and achieves success in the form of grades, recognition, power, money, status, etc. In this competitive and individualized patriarchal world,, we live in – she ultimately wants male approval.
At some point, she realizes she’s not satisfied. She can’t shake this underlying feeling that she’s not enough. She never gets the approval or recognition she seeks, or it never satisfies. So she continues to strive for perfection and achievement, and her inner male aspect drives her forward towards more competition and more success. Until at some point she resists.
When does the heroine’s journey begin?
The heroine’s journey truly begins when she learns to say NO to this madness when she learns at some point that money and success and external achievement will never fill her. She becomes truly strong as a woman when she realizes she is enough as a woman and has nothing to prove. She withdraws from the world into herself.
She’s seen as depressed and mad for saying no to what society tells her she’s supposed to want. She isolates herself and learns to connect with herself, her body, her intuition, her cycles, her sexuality, and her true nature.
She learns to value the feminine – the being-ness, the descent, the darkness. She discovers her worth so she now has nothing to prove. She learns to truly know her way with the guidance of her body’s intuition.
She grieves the prior loss of connection to her own body, to her sisters, her mother, to all of the women who came before her, and to the true mother of us all, the Earth herself.
She works to reconnect with all of these women. She heals the wounds that stemmed from her early rejection of women and from others’ rejection of her.
She learns to embrace and accept that other female figure in our mythology, that of the evil step-mother, the hag, the madwoman. This is the archetypal woman we see in stories such as Cinderella and Hansel and Gretel.
But the feminine needs the masculine. She does want to be purposeful and satisfied with her work. She still wants to strive and achieve and challenge herself, so she nurtures this masculine aspect rather than reject it completely. She invites and welcomes balance.
Women need to be in healthy relationships with men for our society to be healthy. And although there are the men who reject her and abuse her, who don’t see her worth, who are disconnected from women in general and from the feminine in themselves.
These are not the men she needs. So she finds the men who can relate to her in her power and in her truth, who can themselves be powerful but not overpowering.
She finds the Man With Heart within herself and she finds those men around her because they do exist!

Diva Rambling: 5 things you learn from not being loved ….

The secret to being loved is to let yourself be loved.” ~ Marty Rubin
Love – the seemingly elusive word, in both its absence and presence, has taught me everything I know about the way the world works.
Why people hurt.
Why they prefer to remain stagnant instead of growing.
Why they would rather close the door on it and live in the shadows of pain.
Things You Learn from Not Being Loved the Way You Needed To
Love is not pain – I refuse to believe that. And through its seeming absence, I have taken the following lessons from it.
Here are 5 things you learn from not being loved the way you need to:
1. Not everyone is going to love you the way you want to be loved
Not everyone has the same definition of love. For some, love is scary, it’s risky and unkind.
Some spill it out of their hearts because they know it is our birthright.
Some people won’t love us fully or in the way we need it, and making peace with that is the fastest way to happiness.
It is up to us to give ourselves what we need before making it someone else’s priority.
In fact, we should love ourselves so much that it fills up our whole being.
In acknowledging this we can take ownership that it’s up to us to fill those spaces ourselves because our happiness lies with us first and foremost.
2. You need to be a friend to yourself
Your first relationship starts with you and it is the foundation of all others to follow. During hard times, I could either reject or alienate myself as they did or start to pay attention to what the little girl in me was trying to communicate back to me.
By acknowledging our inner child’s needs, we realize that there is still a love that needs to be extended to our deepest parts.
This little girl is the reason why it’s so crucial to learn to give yourself the nurture, love and care you would expect from the world. In this way, her primary needs are met and when others are around they don’t fill a void but add to a flowing cup.
3. Love comes from different places
Love comes in various forms and often through the least expected avenues. It can express itself through a friend, a stranger, an act of kindness.
It can come in the form of a beautiful sunset or as someone’s time gifted to us.
When we start to see the different forms of love it gives life a sweeter tune.
Let us start to pay attention to what is showing up for us.
4. When you learn what love isn’t, you can teach what love is
Love will always love you the way you need to be loved. It will sit with you in those empty moments and warm your wounded spirit.
Because I grew up where love was transactional, I decided to love with no conditions. By craving to be nurtured, I learned how to be a nurturer to myself and, in turn, to others.
We get to choose the characteristics we want to adopt and be those things we most needed.
When we learn what love isn’t, we can teach what love is.
5. They were your greatest teachers
I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.” ~ Khalil Gibran
Your biggest challenges are often your biggest teachers, even if you don’t see it in the moment.
You would not be the person you are today if you didn’t have those lessons to reveal your strengths and gifts to you. Our experiences shape us and it’s up to us to decide how that shape continues to take form.
Our lessons are here to unlock our potential and help us be more of who we are. And we are so much more than we think.
We are love. And we are loved.

Diva Musing: Definitions of Spiritual Areas We Work on Each Day…

In case we are a bit confused about what’s what….here is a set of good definitions for those spiritual areas we are working on each day. Namaste, The Queen Cronista 
Soul, Body Mind…lonerwolf.com
The soul is the spiritual essence of who you are – it is the part of you that transcends the mind and is connected to spirit. While spirit is like the ocean, the soul is like the waves in that ocean. The soul can also be thought of as spirit made manifest, or the yin/Shakti energy (soul) of the yang/Shiva energy (spirit). In other words, everything in this physical realm has a soul or an essence. Your soul can be thought of as your Higher Self or True Nature: it contains all the wisdom, guidance, and nourishment that you need on this earth. This category features all the articles we’ve written about listening to, connecting with, understanding, and embodying your soul.
Spirit is the canvas on which the entire expanse of creation dances. Spirit transcends the mind and ego and is the womb of all life. Everything arises and returns to this great force. Known also as God, Brahma, Tao, Void, Oneness, Infinite Consciousness, and many other names, Spirit is at the core of most religious and spiritual movements and traditions. This eternal force is the greatest mystery known to life and yet it dwells in all things. An enlightened or ‘illuminated’ person can be thought of as one who has united with Spirit and transcended the ego mind. This category features all the articles we’ve written about understanding, listening to, and connecting with Spirit.
The mind is bittersweet. On one hand, the mind helps us to organize, plan, comprehend, create, visualize, discern, and use logic. But on the other hand, the unruly mind is ignorant, prejudiced, hateful, illogical, bigoted, and deluded. The mind can be used as either a tool of creation or a tool of unimaginable destruction. All of our suffering originates in the mind and the unexamined thoughts, beliefs, mindsets, defense mechanisms, and wounds that we carry. This category features all the articles we’ve written about understanding the mind.
The heart is the doorway to the soul. When we are in tune with our hearts, we are connected with the wise, visceral, and instinctual energy of intuition. Our hearts are what connect us with others, help us walk the most authentic paths, show love, forgiveness, and compassion, and reveal what is invisible to the eye. In essence, our hearts expand us. But our hearts can also become contracted through life circumstances. Pain, trauma, heartbreak, and toxic core beliefs all cause the heart to become closed or shut off from life. This category features all the articles we’ve written about understanding, getting in touch with, and healing the heart.
Our bodies are the bridges between earth and spirit. As spiritual beings having a human experience, it’s vital that we get in touch with the physical vessels that are our homes. Nurturing, understanding, listening to, and getting in-tune with all layers of our physicality is a vital part of spiritual growth. Real healing and wholeness are about grounding our psychological and spiritual discoveries into the raw fabric of our being – not about bypassing, shunning or ignoring this reality that we all live with. We believe that the body is just as divine and mysterious as anything else in existence. This category features all the articles we’ve written about health and physical well-being.

Diva Rambling: 25 Sighs You Need Inner Work….

We are always researching things to help us be a better us. When we find things we like, we realizes that out there in our multiverse, some of you may be going through the same stuff. We post our finds like shared treasure to help you as well. This is a bit lengthy, but it hit home with me.
Namaste, The Queen Cronista
25 Signs You Need to Practice Inner Work
Here are some notorious red-flags:
  1. You feel lost in life
  2. You don’t know who you are anymore
  3. You feel lonely and like an outsider looking in to the world
  4. You frequently get into fights with others
  5. You’re always people-pleasing
  6. You’re not confident being yourself
  7. You have low self-esteem
  8. Your thoughts are almost constantly negative and self-critical
  9. You feel constantly unmotivated and “flat”
  10. You suffer from chronic health issues
  11. You can’t sleep properly
  12. Life doesn’t feel real
  13. You feel a sense of hopelessness
  14. You feel a sense of emptiness
  15. You have fits of intense anger or sadness
  16. You believe that the world is against you
  17. You struggle to trust others (or yourself)
  18. You keep repeating the same mistakes
  19. You keep attracting the wrong people into your life
  20. You’re self-destructive and self-sabotaging
  21. You have a strong drive toward addiction
  22. You have many strong emotional triggers
  23. You easily get neurotic and obsessive
  24. You struggle with high levels of anxiety or panic
  25. You want to be alone all the time or around others all the time (to escape yourself)
The more signs you can relate to, the more you need to do inner work. We’ll explore some inner work paths below.
Of course, keep in mind that many of the above red-flags are symptoms of mental illness. By all means, seek out a professional therapist who can help if you suspect something is lopsided in your noggin. Inner work is not a replacement for any psychiatric/psychological targeted help. It is, however, a vital complementary practice that is just as essential as sleeping, exercising or anything that does you genuine good at a core level.
Why Most People Are Terrified By Inner Work
It may sound ridiculous. But the truth is that people feel repelled and horrified by inner work on an unconscious level.
Why and how is this the case?
Well just look at the world. We’ve explored the solar system and distant galaxies more than the depths of our own oceans. We know more about how things mechanically work rather than the life force that animates them. We know more about fighting and strategizing against the “enemies” outside of us than we know about facing the enemies looming within us.
As psychologist Carl Jung once wrote:
People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.
The reality is that going deep terrifies us. We will more readily go to war and annihilate other people than look within ourselves for the source of our own suffering. We will more readily point the finger of blame at others, life, god or reality and adopt the victim mentality than dare to give ourselves a good honest look in the mirror. In some cases, we prefer to die in stubborn ignorance than admit we’re wrong, faulty, fooled, or responsible for our suffering and the pain of others.
Our egos are fragile, neurotic, and power-hungry little creatures. Inner work is like kryptonite to this fabricated self we carry around. Is it any wonder that we’re horrified by it deep down?
Of course, many seekers who have undergone a spiritual awakening would give a sly smile at this point and say, “well I am different.” Well no, no you’re not. Sorry to be frank. But you have an ego like everyone else.
The Unfathomable Power of Inner Work
Inner work may superficially look lavish, poetic, and mystical. But when you get into the heart of it, it’s a bone-crushing, gut-wrenching journey of blood, sweat, vomit, and tears.
You aren’t playing with crystals and singing cute mantras while doing inner work (although those things can be complementary and help in their own way). Inner work isn’t Instagram-worthy or something you can wear as an egotistical badge of superiority.
Inner work, in its very essence, is about placing truth and the desire for freedom (Love) above all else. It’s about allowing yourself to be called out, torn down, burned, and built back up a thousand times over. Inner work is a process of eternal death and rebirth. It never stops – even after having attained a higher level of consciousness – for when one believes one has “arrived” that is when stagnation occurs. That is when spiritual narcissism thrives and the shadow rears its ugly face.
Inner work is symbolized as the dance of Shiva and Shakti, the ouroboros snake that eats its own tale, the cycle of life and death, the yin and yang, the primordial dance of the void that is both everything and nothing at the same time.
When we give ourselves over to inner work we are on a quest to embrace the paradox of existence, to walk in the liminal spaces, to be both willing to die and be reborn in any moment, to step into all that we can become, to face our most gruesome shadows, to embody our most divine light, to experience Oneness.
To put it almost prosaically, it’s a hell of a ride!
And understandably, people fear that. It’s much easier to live a mediocre existence. It’s much easier to walk the path others have paved before us. It’s much easier to point the finger at others and neglect taking self-responsibility.
Walking the path less traveled is much more difficult, much less comfortable, and much more demanding. And most people are NOT ready or willing to make that choice. Mediocrity and complacency do provide a morsel of comfort, but it is this comfort that ironically leads to emptiness, soul loss, and the complete deprivation of anything truly real, truly worth living for.
In essence, the path of mediocrity and complacency = death.
The path of existential challenge = life.
Now, there are ways of making the existentially tumultuous path that is inner work more bearable. Connecting with your deeper source of power, your inner free spirit, and your wild Wolf essence, is the first. When you are able to follow your instinct and intuition, see clearly, make wise choices, and protect yourself from those who seek to prey on you, the path becomes more defined. Incidentally, this website is about helping you to reconnect with that wild essence (start here if you need a place to begin).
There are many other ways to empower your inner work path that are too numerous for this article, but your inner work doesn’t have to be a terrible ordeal. Remember that no matter how painful it feels, “the phoenix always emerges from the flames.” In other words, no matter how bad it feels, the pain is a catalyst for deep spiritual transformation.
Finally, I want you to understand that the nature of the ego means it will always be against inner work. It is your soul that drives you towards inner work, so you’d do well to learn how to distinguish between the voice of fear (the ego) and the voice of your intuition (the soul). See our article on How to Trust Your Intuition for more guidance.

Diva Musing: About Life and Laughter….

A day without laughter and humor is like a day without my brother Bill sending me a hilarious meme that brightens my day and makes me laugh. Bill is a mortician / frustrated stand up comic. He is one of my top five men in the world because he always makes people laugh. The writing below is by Napoleon Hill, who I’ve mentioned before. It kind of put the exclamation point on my beautiful day. I hope you enjoy.
Namaste, The Queen Cronista
About Life ;by Napoleon Hill
Life, you can’t subdue me because I refuse to take your discipline too seriously. When you try to hurt me, I laugh — and the laughter knows no pain. I appreciate your joys wherever I find them; your sorrows neither frighten nor discourage me, for there is laughter in my soul.
Temporary defeat does not make me sad. I simply set music to the words of defeat and turn it into a song. Your tears are not for me, for I like laughter much better, and because I like it, I use it as a substitute for grief and sorrow and pain and disappointment.
Life, you are a fickle trickster — don’t deny it. You slipped the emotion of love into my heart so that you might use it as a thorn with which to prick my soul — but I learned to dodge your trap with laughter. You tried to lure me with the desire for gold, but I have fooled you by following the trail which leads to knowledge instead. You induced me to build beautiful friendships — then converted my friends to enemies so you may harden my heart, but I sidestepped your figure on this by laughing off your attempts and selecting new friends in my own way.
You caused men to cheat me at trade so I will become distrustful, but I won again because I possess one precious asset which no man can steal — it is the power to think my own thoughts and to be myself. You threaten me with death, but to me death is nothing worse than a long peaceful sleep, and sleep is the sweetest of human experiences — excepting laughter. You build a fire of hope in my heart, then sprinkle water on the flames, but I can go you one better by rekindling the fire — and I laugh at you once more.
You have nothing that can lure me away from laughter, and you are powerless to scare me into submission. To a life of laughter, then, I raise my cup of cheer!

Diva Rambling: “Knowledge is Power”…

Knowledge is Power”

You hear this a lot in spy and political movies. I always believe knowledge is power if it is not misused. It is always about attention, intention and focus. We become what we think about all day long. If we are set to misuse knowledge of any kind then we are not of good intention. I’m not lecturing; it’s a law of the Universe and Attraction.

I had the best day at the watering hole this morning. An elderly vet who usually comes in around 9:30 a.m. came by and gave me a hug. I heard him say he’s all alone to someone the other day and so I always make sure to chat with him. Then a friend (great author and artist) I hadn’t seen in over a year, came in and sat with me to catch up. Her husband is dying of an undiagnosed ailment and she is in the last leg of adopting a toddler. Her life has been off the rails hectic. I knew she was always busy but not like that. She believes in the power of prayer and asked that I / we pray for them. This we can do no matter how busy our day. I will also meditate on his healing or painless passing….whatever the Universe has planned.

Join someone you know that is in strife by putting focused, well intentioned love and light toward them and their respective families. That is how we make the world a better place. One good intention after another. Namaste, The Queen Cronista

Diva Musing:Peopling…


I’ve ranted sufficiently lately about my having no need to people. However, I find when I step out of my daily environment and interact with the public in the crater, I find amazing people. At the watering hole this morning I helped a woman with a walker carry her 2 dozen donuts to her car. I told her any angel that give donuts to people was an angel for sure!

I told the mom laboring to eat a donut because of the calories not to worry they have holes in the middle for the calories to leak out. She like it and bought six. She said she’d gain five pounds. I told her I would watch her eat one and gain ten. It’s all about perspective. She and her children laughed.

There is is young woman at our local super store that always fusses at people like she’s cranky. I’ve taken her banter on several times and we’ve become great passing friends. I love her personality. Gets back to my recent post about weird friends are jewels. Sometimes I forget, in the stern environment in which I normally dwell, that there are so many good souls waiting for someone to have snappy repartee with them. I realize I would be missing a lot if I didn’t get out and people occasionally. Have you “Peopled” today? Do it; it will work wonders on your spirit.

I often remind you that old crones like me have had gravity take hold and we may look scowling with our droopy jaw lines, while we are continually doing a dance of joy in our minds. Dr. David Jeremiah has written a book…”Slaying The Giants In Your Life”. I’m reading it now. I use this because it is a good thought to keep in mind. We may have to do battle everyday just to slay the demons/giants who intrude. This Crone carries a big sword don’t you mess with me! LOL! Namaste, The Queen Cronista