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Diva Musing: Humor on a Rainy Day…

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It is raining in the “Borough” and it’s Monday.  I thought a shot humor would do us all good.  Dumb Lawyer Quotes are always good for that.  I worked in the legal profession for 45 years.  Yes, Virginia this is exactly how it goes….Namaste, The Queen Cronista…
HOW DO COURT STENOGRAPHERS KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE?
These are from a book called “Disorder in the Court” and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, very close to your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a
new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant
to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
did you attend?
WITNESS: Oral.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.
https://www.womenafter50.com/blog/2017/10/9/funniest-and-real-court-stenographer-notes

 

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Diva Tasting: Fla-waffle with Tatziki & Pita….

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Fal-Waffle (Falafel with a twist)
Ingredients
  • Cooking Spray
  • 2 (15 Ounce) Cans Garbanzo Beans (chickpeas), Drained And Rinsed
  • 1 Medium Onion, Diced
  • 2 Large Eggs
  • 1/4 Cup Chopped Fresh Cilantro
  • 1/4 Cup Chopped Fresh Parsley
  • 3 Cloves Roasted Garlic, Or More To Taste
  • 2 Tablespoons All-Purpose Flour
  • 2 Teaspoons Ground Cumin
  • 1 Teaspoons Kosher Salt
  • 1 Teaspoon Ground Coriander
  • 1/2 Teaspoon Ground Black Pepper
  • 1/4 Teaspoon Cayenne Pepper
  • 1 Pinch Ground Cardamom
Directions
  1. Preheat a waffle iron according to manufacturer’s instructions. Spray inside of waffle iron with cooking spray.
  2. Process garbanzo beans in a food processor until coarsely chopped. Add onion, egg whites, cilantro, parsley, garlic, flour, cumin, salt, coriander, black pepper, cayenne pepper, and cardamom to garbanzo beans. Pulse, scraping down the sides of the bowl occasionally, until falafel batter resembles a coarse meal. Pour batter into a bowl and stir with a fork.
  3. Spoon about 1/4 cup falafel batter onto each section of the preheated waffle iron. Cook until evenly browned, about 5 minutes. Repeat with remaining batter.
  4. Top with a dollop of tatziki
TATZIKI SAUCE:
Ingredients
  • 1 (16 Ounce) Container Low-Fat Plain Yogurt
  • 1 Cucumber – Peeled, Seeded, And Grated
  • 1 Tablespoon Chopped Fresh Dill
  • 2 Tablespoon Fresh Lemon Juice
  • 3 Cloves Garlic, Minced
  • Kosher Salt And Ground Black Pepper To Taste
Directions
  1. Line a colander with two layers of cheesecloth and place it over a bowl. Place yogurt on the cheesecloth and cover the colander with plastic wrap. Allow yogurt to drain, 8 hours to overnight.
  2. Place grated cucumber in a fine mesh strainer; allow to drain 1 to 2 hours.
  3. Mix yogurt, cucumber, dill, lemon juice, garlic, salt, and pepper in a bowl. Refrigerate for flavors to blend, at least 2 hours.
  4. Serve Fal-Waffles on lavosh flat bread or pita bread. Top with tatziki chopped tomatoes and shredded romaine lettuce.

Diva Rambling: Food for Thought…

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Food for thought day.  Can’t find my source on this one…My apology, I’ll try to locate and post again.    Namaste, The Queen Cronista.
5 WAYS TO SPARK A DEEP CONVERSATION WITH THE UNIVERSE AND MANIFEST YOUR DESIRES
As powerful manifestors, we often forget that there is a constant dialogue going on between ourselves and the Universe. When we’re on the right path in terms of manifesting our desires, the Universe will deliver signs of alignment as a response to let us know we are connected to the flow of possibilities. This is the conversation.
Inspiration, Connection And Meaning Are Often Expressed In Random Bursts Throughout Our Lives. The Ebb And Flow Of Our Feelings Of Closeness To The Divine Is All Part Of The Beautiful Dance Of Remembering And Forgetting Which Ultimately Strengthens Our Spiritual Faculties.
A question I get asked very frequently is:
HOW DO I SPARK A DEEP CONVERSATION AND CONNECTION TO THE UNIVERSE?
So here are 5 Ways to Spark A Deep Conversation With The Universe that will assist in strengthening your manifesting super-powers and ensure you live a vibrant and fulfilling life.
1. THE FORCE IS WITHIN YOU
The very first thing to remember is that God, The Universe, Source or Force (whatever you feel comfortable with) is within you. This power is the energy that holds the water in the oceans and the stars in the sky. It is the omnipresent energy of Oneness – the fabric that binds humanity. When you remember that this almighty force is within you then it helps to trust and surrender to the randomness of the things which may appear into your current reality.
Affirmation: I am One with the Universe.
2. MEDITATION GETS YOU INTO THE FLOW
Whether it’s prayer, meditation or being totally present in the moment, the outcome is exactly the same. You allow yourself to relax into the energy required to live a stress-free experience. You learn to become calm in the eye of any storm and it allows you to believe beyond what you can see.
Affirmation: I surrender to each and every moment.
3. FILL YOUR HEART WITH GRATITUDE
When you look for things to appreciate you unlock a powerful energy that will help you on your manifesting path and to form a deep connection to the Universe. Afterall, the Universal energy is just love, pure love. When you are grateful and thankful you raise your vibration to allow the Universe to deliver even more amazing things, people, places and events to manifest into your life experience.
Affirmation: I am grateful. So deeply grateful with all of my heart for everything that appears in my reality.
4. ASK FOR SIGNS, DREAMS AND MESSAGES OF ALIGNMENT
Sometimes it’s tricky to know if you’re on the right track with waiting for your dreams to manifest. As much you as know that ‘The Universe has your back’ it’s always nice to get a little reassurance in the form of a message or sign (from your higher self) to let you know you’re on the path of least resistance. The key is to ASK. Say it out aloud, write it down, or request in the privacy of your own head, but always remember to ask the Universe for guidance.
Affirmation: I always ask for the Universe to guide me.
5. BE OF SERVICE TO OTHERS
When you’re actively helping other people then you literally get out of your own way and allow the Universe to work her magic. Being of service is so good for your soul and really helps you to manifest your desires so much faster.
Affirmation: I am of the highest service to those that need my help.

Diva Tasting: Chicken Glazed Balsamic with Mushroom Pilaf….

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Chicken Glazed Balsamic#
Ingredients
1/2 Cup Aged Balsamic Vinegar
1/4 Cup Brown Sugar
1/2 Cup Olive Oil
1 Teaspoon of Shredded Fresh Ginger
1/4 Cup Raw Honey
1/2 Teaspoon Dried Thyme
1 Teaspoon Dried Rosemary
3 Pounds Bone-In Chicken Thighs, Or More To Taste
Salt And Pepper To Taste
Directions
Beat balsamic vinegar, olive oil, honey, brown sugar, thyme, and rosemary together in a bowl until smooth; pour marinade into a resealable plastic bag.
Season chicken thighs with salt and black pepper; add to marinade in plastic bag. Squeeze bag to remove air and seal. Marinate chicken in refrigerator for 2 to 8 hours.
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
Pour chicken and marinade into a greased baking dish.
Bake chicken in preheated oven until no longer pink at the bone and the juices run clear, 35 to 45 minutes. An instant-read thermometer inserted near the bone should read 165 degrees F.
Serve with Crusty French Bread and Garden Salad with Raspberry Vinaigrette
MUSHROOM PILAF
Ingredients
  • 2 Teaspoons Butter
  • 1 (8 Ounce) Package Sliced Fresh Cremini Mushrooms
  • 3 Chopped Green Scallions
  • 2 Tablespoons Chopped Basil
  • 2 Cups Chicken Broth
  • 1 Cup White Rice
  • 1 Teaspoon Chicken Bouillon Granules
  • 1/8 Teaspoon Salt
  • 2 Cloves Garlic Minced
  • 1 Pinch Ground Black Pepper
Directions
  1. Melt butter in a saucepan over medium heat; cook and stir mushrooms, bell pepper, and onion until tender, about 5 minutes. Stir in water, rice, bouillon granules, salt, garlic powder, and black pepper. Bring to a boil; reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and simmer until liquid is absorbed and rice is tender, 14 to 16 minutes.

Diva Tasting: Greek Kabobs With Tzatziki…

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Greek Kabobs # # (Chicken Souvlaki with Tzatziki )
Ingredients
  • 1/4 cup olive oil
  • 2 tablespoons lemon juice
  • 2 cloves garlic, minced
  • 1 teaspoon dried oregano
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1 1/2 pounds skinless, boneless chicken breast halves – cut into bite-sized pieces
  • Sauce:
  • 1 (6 ounce) container plain Greek-style yogurt
  • 1/2 cucumber – peeled, seeded, and grated
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 2 teaspoons white vinegar
  • 1 clove garlic, minced
  • 1 pinch salt
  • 6 wooden skewers, or as needed
Directions
  1. Combine 1/4 cup olive oil, lemon juice, 2 cloves minced garlic, oregano, and 1/2 teaspoon salt in a large resealable bag. Add chicken, coat with the marinade, squeeze out excess air, and seal the bag. Marinate in the refrigerator for 2 hours.
  2. Mix yogurt, cucumber, 1 tablespoon olive oil, vinegar, 1 clove minced garlic, and 1 pinch salt together in a bowl. Refrigerate tzatziki sauce for flavors to blend, 1 to 2 hours.
  3. Preheat an outdoor grill for medium-high heat and lightly oil the grate. Soak wooden skewers in a bowl of water for about 15 minutes.
  4. Remove chicken from marinade and thread onto the soaked skewers. Discard unused marinade.
  5. Cook the skewers on the preheated grill, turning frequently until nicely browned on all sides and chicken is no longer pink in the center, about 8 minutes per side. Serve with tzatziki sauce.
TATZIKI SAUCE:
Ingredients
  • 1 (16 Ounce) Container Low-Fat Plain Yogurt
  • 1 Cucumber – Peeled, Seeded, And Grated
  • 1 Tablespoon Chopped Fresh Dill
  • 2 Tablespoon Fresh Lemon Juice
  • 3 Cloves Garlic, Minced
  • Kosher Salt And Ground Black Pepper To Taste
Directions
  1. Line a colander with two layers of cheesecloth and place it over a bowl. Place yogurt on the cheesecloth and cover the colander with plastic wrap. Allow yogurt to drain, 8 hours to overnight.
  2. Place grated cucumber in a fine mesh strainer; allow to drain 1 to 2 hours.
  3. Mix yogurt, cucumber, dill, lemon juice, garlic, salt, and pepper in a bowl. Refrigerate for flavors to blend, at least 2 hours.
“Drain some low-fat yogurt overnight to make this yummy cucumber dressing. This is a delicious topping for grilled chicken or meat. It’s also a great dip for veggies and pita chips. Added another clove of garlic ( werewolves in Florida). Eliminated the parsley and go a little bit heavier on the fresh dill.”

Diva Musing: Life Style Choices….

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Image result for funny quotes about life

The Struggle is real,  Divas, I’m juice fasting this week and I’ve posted a warning on my office door.  “Enter at your own risk; The Queen is fasting!” I’ve realized that while I think I eat healthy, I’m prone to slipping in “naughty carbs”.  When I’m on the run (which is pretty much always) I grab something in a bag or package that is fast an easy to manage…. always a carb.  I am attempting to shift my life choices to veggies and protein.
I’ve been noticing that I don’t like so many of the things I use to enjoy, like crudete‘, olives, cheese, and broiled chicken.  I’m also trying to figure this out.  
I did find something this week, I’m experimenting with though.  I’ll keep you posted as I get more empirical  data.  Wish me luck on my adventure.  Be glad you are not within my aura field this week.  I can do this!!!! LOL

Namaste, The Queen Cronista

Diva Tasting: Chinese Chicken Slaw…

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Chinese Chicken Slaw
Ingredients
  • 2 Cups of Roasted Chicken Chopped
  • 1 (16 Ounce) Package Coleslaw Mix
  • 2 Packages Dry Ramen Noodles or Crispy Chinese Noodles
  • 1/2 Cup Blanched Slivered Almonds toasted
  • 1 Tablespoon Toasted Sesame Seed
  • 1/2 Cup Corn Oil
  • 1/2 Cup Rice Garlic Vinegar
  • 1/2 Teaspoon Sugar
Directions
  1. Saute chicken in a large skillet until well browned. Place coleslaw in a large bowl, add chicken and set aside (or refrigerate if not serving soon).
  2. Break up ramen noodles into a small bowl; add almonds and set aside.
  3. In a small bowl combine the corn oil, vinegar, ramen seasoning packets and artificial sweetener. Mix well and set aside until ready to serve.
  4. When you arrive at your destination, add noodle mixture and dressing mixture to large chicken/coleslaw bowl and stir together. Serve with a smile!

Diva Musing: Poetry and Literature…

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Albert Einstein Quotes. “He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.”

I have determined that one of the problems with our world is that a high percent of our teens no longer like poetry or literature. They prefer only sci-fi, video games and Hollyweird entertainment (low rent stuff).  

The food of he soul like the poets, literary geniuses, relevant prose, and a good novel are no longer part of our world to our youth.  These gifts, given by the Universe, are dead to so many teens.  I understand left brain mathematicians, and scientists not having it as a primary interest, however, most geniuses do appreciate one or more of the fine arts.  

How sad it must be to have a soul empty of this nourishment; provided equally to everyone who dares seek it.  I wish you each good soul food today, Divas….

Namaste, 

The Queen Cronista

Diva Tasting: Corn Beef and Cabbage

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Repeat of an old fall favorite…..
Corn Beef and Cabbage
Ingredients
  • 5 pounds corned beef brisket with spice packet
  • 12 small red potatoes halved
  • 1 small bag of baby carrots
  • 1 large head cabbage, coarsely chopped
  • 1 Qt Beef Broth
Directions
  1. Place corned beef in large pot or Dutch oven and cover with beef broth. Add the spice packet that came with the corned beef. Cover pot and bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. Simmer approximately 50 minutes per pound or until tender (3.5 Hrs).
  2. Add whole potatoes and carrots, and cook until the vegetables are almost tender. Add cabbage and cook for 15 more minutes. Remove meat and let rest 15 minutes.
  3. Place vegetables in a bowl and cover. Add as much broth (cooking liquid reserved in the Dutch oven or large pot) as you want. Slice meat across the grain.

Diva Tasting: Slow Roasted Chicken and Veggies

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Slow Roasted Chicken and Veggies

Ingredients

  • 1/4 Cup Unsalted Butter
  • 8 Bone-In Skin-On Chicken Thighs
  • 4 Potatoes, Peeled And Cut Into 1-Inch Cubes
  • 1 Small Bag of Baby Carrots
  • 2 Lbs Brussels Sprouts Halved
  • 1 Tablespoon Fresh Rosemary
  • 1 Teaspoon Fresh Lemon Thyme Leaves
  • 1 Teaspoon Tarragon
  • 1/2 Teaspoon Smoked Paprika
  • 1 Teaspoon Garlic Powder
  • 1 Teaspoon Seasoned Salt (such As Lawry’s(R))
  • 1/4 Teaspoon Ground Black Pepper
  • Salt And Ground Black Pepper To Taste

Directions

  1. Melt butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Place chicken in the melted butter, skin-side down; cook chicken skin in hot butter until beginning to brown and crisped, about 5 minutes.
  2. Flip chicken. Arrange potatoes, Carrots, and Brussels Sprouts around the chicken.
  3. Chop rosemary, tarragon, lemon and thyme together; Mix all herbs and spices together in a small bowl and stir to combine. Sprinkle the mixture over the chicken and vegetables. Make Sure to Season everything; Sprinkle with more salt and pepper if needed.
  4. Place a lid on the skillet and cook until chicken is no longer pink at the bone and the juices run clear, 45 to 50 minutes. An instant-read thermometer inserted near the bone should read 165 degrees F.
  5. Transfer to Serving Platter and serve immediately with a side salad.