Category Archives: Funny Stuff

Diva Musing: 4 Wheeling….

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Well the Diva went 4-Wheeling for the first time ever on Saturday.  Why have I never done this before?  It’s not just the majesty of creation and all of nature you see, you get the overwhelming sense of peace that comes with the quiet time in nature.  We spotted no wildlife this trip.  The acorns are falling so the animals are in the wood foraging instead of in the open fields.  

My driver only splashed me with mud twice and even that was fun. I got several specimens of rock for my collection and discovered a new plant not indigenous t this area.  What a treat it was…all of it.  Not many young folks would even take a near 70 year old Diva 4-Wheeling let alone splash and hop over mud and dirt for the full effect.  Hats off to Hoss, my driver.  What fun.  

I haven’t enjoyed nature that way in a long, long time….shame on me!  I’ve tried to copy some of my pictures but the blog won’t let me???  The point being…get out in nature and remove your angst.  It works every time. I’ll try to learn how to get the photos on the cite when the leaves turn and the mountains are alive with rainbows of color.  

I wish you each a trip into nature that heals and calms.  

Namaste, The Queen Cronista.

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Diva Ranting: Manners…..

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Years ago you were an anathema to society if you had poor manners. Mothers taught manners from the time a child could speak. What’s going on now? And we wonder why the world basically “sucks” …to put it in modern day terminology. How many grandmothers have I seen almost knocked down by out of control grandchildren? How many physically disabled people have I seen knocked off crutches and wheelchairs bumped by thugs, both young and old, in the grocery and retail stores? How many young people AND adults are on social media…texting, talking or listening to music so they are socially mute, uninteresting drones? The list could go on and on, the answer is; a Lot!
My personal vendetta has begun with my speech and home ec class of mountain men and women. Some may not like having to give speeches on how to have a proper conversation, how to set proper placement of tableware for a formal dinner, how to answer a phone like a human with a personality, how to address and respect elders. How to address the Queen of England in a reception line.
I’ve gone Old School. I’ve pulled my Emily Post book of etiquette to begin. Over the next semester, I will be posting excerpts for anyone who had friends and family that may need a booster shot of proper manners. They can hate us later…LOL! Let the lessons begin!!!!!
Namaste, The Queen Cronista….

Emily Post on Conversation:

The Gift Of Humor

The joy of joys is the person of light but unmalicious humor. If you know any one who is gay, beguiling and amusing, you will, if you are wise, do everything you can to make him prefer your house and your table to any other; for where he is, the successful party is also. What he says is of no matter, it is the twist he gives to it, the intonation, the personality he puts into his quip or retort or observation that delights his hearers, and in his case the ordinary rules do not apply.

Eugene Field could tell a group of people that it had rained to-day and would probably rain to-morrow, and make everyone burst into laughter—or tears if he chose—according to the way it was said. But the ordinary rest of us must, if we would be thought sympathetic, intelligent or agreeable, “go fishing.”

Going Fishing For Topics

The charming talker is neither more nor less than a fisherman. (Fisher woman rather, since in America women make more effort to be agreeable than men do.) Sitting next to a stranger she wonders which “fly” she had better choose to interest him. She offers one topic; not much of a nibble. So she tries another or perhaps a third before he “rises” to the bait.

The Door Slammers

There are people whose idea of conversation is contradiction and flat statement. Finding yourself next to one of these, you venture:

“Have you seen any good plays lately?”

“No, hate the theater.”

“Which team are you for in the series?”

“Neither. Only an idiot could be interested in baseball.”

“Country must have a good many idiots!” mockingly.

“Obviously it has.” Full stop. In desperation you veer to the personal.

“I’ve never seen Mrs. Bobo Gilding as beautiful as she is to-night.”

“Nothing beautiful about her. As for the name ‘Bobo,’ it’s asinine.”

“Oh, it’s just one of those children’s names that stick sometimes for life.”

“Perfect rot. Ought to be called by his name,” etc.

Another, not very different in type though different in method, is the self-appointed instructor whose proper place is on the lecture platform, not at a dinner table.

“The earliest coins struck in the Peloponnesus were stamped on one side only; their alloy——” etc.

Another is the expounder of the obvious: “Have you ever noticed,” says he, deeply thinking, “how people’s tastes differ?”

Then there is the vulgarian of fulsome compliment: “Why are you so beautiful? It is not fair to the others——” and so on.

Tactless Blunderers

Tactless people are also legion. The means-to-be-agreeable elderly man says to a passée acquaintance, “Twenty years ago you were the prettiest woman in town”; or in the pleasantest tone of voice to one whose only son has married. “Why is it, do you suppose, that young wives always dislike their mothers-in-law?”

If you have any ambition to be sought after in society you must not talk about the unattractiveness of old age to the elderly, about the joys of dancing and skating to the lame, or about the advantages of ancestry to the self-made. It is also dangerous, as well as needlessly unkind, to ridicule or criticize others, especially for what they can’t help. If a young woman’s familiar or otherwise lax behavior deserves censure, a casual unflattering remark may not add to your own popularity if your listener is a relative, but you can at least, without being shamefaced, stand by your guns. On the other hand to say needlessly “What an ugly girl!” or “What a half-wit that boy is!” can be of no value except in drawing attention to your own tactlessness.

The young girl who admired her own facile adjectives said to a casual acquaintance: “How can you go about with that moth-eaten, squint-eyed, bag of a girl!” “Because,” answered the youth whom she had intended to dazzle, “the lady of your flattering epithets happens to be my sister.”

It is scarcely necessary to say that one whose tactless remarks ride rough-shod over the feelings of others, is not welcomed by many.

The Bore

A bore is said to be “one who talks about himself when you want to talk about yourself!” which is superficially true enough, but a bore might more accurately be described as one who is interested in what does not interest you, and insists that you share his enthusiasm, in spite of your disinclination. To the bore life holds no dullness; every subject is of unending delight. A story told for the thousandth time has not lost its thrill; every tiresome detail is held up and turned about as a morsel of delectableness; to him each pea in a pod differs from another with the entrancing variety that artists find in tropical sunsets.

On the other hand, to be bored is a bad habit, and one only too easy to fall into. As a matter of fact, it is impossible, almost, to meet anyone who has not something of interest to tell you if you are but clever enough yourself to find out what it is. There are certain always delightful people who refuse to be bored. Their attitude is that no subject need ever be utterly uninteresting, so long as it is discussed for the first time. Repetition alone is deadly dull. Besides, what is the matter with trying to be agreeable yourself? Not too agreeable. Alas! it is true: “Be polite to bores and so shall you have bores always round about you.” Furthermore, there is no reason why you should be bored when you can be otherwise. But if you find yourself sitting in the hedgerow with nothing but weeds, there is no reason for shutting your eyes and seeing nothing, instead of finding what beauty you may in the weeds. To put it cynically, life is too short to waste it in drawing blanks. Therefore, it is up to you to find as many pictures to put on your blank pages as possible.

A Few Important Details Of Speech In Conversation

Unless you wish to stamp yourself a person who has never been out of “provincial” society, never speak of your husband as “Mr.” except to an inferior. Mrs. Worldly for instance in talking with a stranger would say “my husband,” and to a friend, meaning one not only whom she calls by her first name, but anyone on her “dinner list,” she says, “Dick thought the play amusing” or “Dick said——”. This does not give her listener the privilege of calling him “Dick.” The listener in return speaks of her own husband as “Tom” even if he is seventy—unless her hearer is a very young person (either man or woman), when she would say “my husband.” Never “Mr. Older.” To call your husband Mr. means that you consider the person you are talking to, beneath you in station. Mr. Worldly in the same way speaks of Mrs. Worldly as “my wife” to a gentleman, or “Edith” in speaking to a lady. Always.

In speaking about other people, one says “Mrs.,” “Miss” or “Mr.” as the case may be. It is bad form to go about saying “Edith Worldly” or “Ethel Norman” to those who do not call them Edith or Ethel, and to speak thus familiarly of one whom you do not call by her first name, is unforgivable. It is also effrontery for a younger person to call an older by her or his first name, without being asked to do so. Only a very underbred, thick-skinned person would attempt it.

Diva Rambling: Rainbows and Gratitude…

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Last Friday my nephew and his wife held a special celebration in their back yard for me.  Just a few family members attended.  Between raindrops throughout the day,  we made the best of the backyard event as we could.  It was such a wonderful event!  

The best part was, that as soon as we began to pack up and head indoors…I was blessed with an even better surprise!  The Universe placed the most beautiful double rainbow over the backyard to say good bye and affirm the family event.  One Cannot ask for more than that.   We were all amazed and warmed by this affirmation.

The whole family, in attendance, went for BBQ (the last of summer) and enjoyed the wrap up to a wonderful time.  My baby brother was able to get away and make it doubly special.  My heart is still filled with gratitude to the whole family who made it special…

My wish is for double rainbows for you as you celebrate life in a chaotic world. Namaste, The Queen Cronista

Diva Rambling: When I Am Old…

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I don’t know about you Divas, but when I was 28 years old a friend of mine sent this to me.  I asked him if he thought I would be that way when I was old. To that he replied “Hell you are like that now!”  I guess no one will be surprised but my sister Joan who still prays that there is hope for me :~)

When I Am Old.

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat that doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me,
And I shall spend my pension
on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals,
and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
And run my stick along the public railings,
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens,
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,
Or only bread and pickle for a week,
And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats
and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,
And pay our rent and not swear in the street,
And set a good example for the children.
We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me
are not too shocked and surprised,
When suddenly I am old
and start to wear purple! 

Jenny Joseph

Diva Musing: Rainy Day….

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It’s raining in the Crater City.  I am very non-plus today.  So much to do.  I have SAADD (Senior Adult Attention Deficit Disorder)!  I can’t get one thing done from bumping around like a bumper car at a carnival.  Ever have one of those days?  Everything is a distraction, lots of tasks get done, but none that add up to showing you you did them at the end of the day?  I hate when that happens.  

The Queen of the Cosmos (That’s also me!)…says “The future is arriving in each new second….make the best of this one now!”  I’ve created my own pressure I can’t seem to live up to today.  This too shall pass.  I know I’ll get focused eventually….”Oh look there’s a Unicorn!!!”

Namaste My, Divas,

The Queen Cronista

Diva Rambling…. One More Thing!

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My daughter is a stand up comedian.  You may remember on occasion that I highly recommend laughter as the best medicine.  Well, as it happens her “Country Cool.com” comedy troop is going to be at several locations in the South this summer.  I recommend first hand comedy to cure what ails you.  If not Trish and the Country Cool Chicklets then any comedy club nearby.

https://www.countrycool.com/

WE ARE COUNTRY COOL

COUNTRY COOL is a straight-shootin’, no-holds-barred comedy show that laughs at what we’re all dealin’ with…the “this can’t really be happening” moments in life that make us feel like we’re losing our minds, one traffic jam at a time. Trish Suhr, Karen Mills and Leanne Morgan, all headlining comedians, have southern roots but are well-traveled, diverse, razor sharp and savvy. Their no-nonsense approach “tells it like it is” but, of course, with charm and style.  It’s not redneck; it’s not white trash — these girls are country cool!  It’s comedy for the masses, because, let’s face it, everybody’s got a little country in ‘em. These three women have been friends for more than a decade and have stood in it, walked through it and come out the other side laughing. Whether it’s overcoming cancer, the loss of a beloved pet or talking each other down from the hormonal ledge, they continue to find the humor in everything life dishes out.

Diva Musing: Summer Solstice….

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I, myself, honor the miracle of creation and the changing of the seasons that is a part of this glorious Universe we live in. It is a spectacular event, if you think about it.  Today marks the summer solstice and I thought we’d wax ethereally down that road together…Namaste, The Queen Cronista….
sum·mer sol·stice
ˈsəmər ˈsälstəs,ˈsōlstəs/
noun:  the solstice that marks the onset of summer, at the time of the longest day, about June 21 in the northern hemisphere and December 22 in the southern hemisphere

The Spiritual Meaning of the Summer Solstice; By Grove Harris

The summer solstice is upon us: Things to know about the longest day of the year

Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year, the shortest night, and a tipping point: from here on out the days get shorter and the nights get longer. The solstice, sometimes called midsummer because by now farmers have long done their planting, is technically the first day of summer. It both ushers in the warmest season, and reminds that the season is short, slipping away day by day. For those who revere nature, summer solstice may be celebrated by a bonfire, and staying up to greet the dawn. Celebration may be a small private event, or a large communal event such as the Pagan Spirit Gathering held on beautiful rural land in Missouri, with ritual, prayers, altars and sacred space.

Celebration may be among a broader spectrum of people, such as the 35,000 who gathered at Stonehenge last year. BBC’s coverage of that event included an interview “with those who appreciate the solstice the most: ‘We believe it is very important for people to move with the cycles of nature, and actually feel them. If you get up early in the morning and you watch that special sunrise, you’ve been a part of it. The rest of the year is shaped by that. And we think it’s a really healthy thing to do, and a very spiritual thing to do.’” And clearly the large crowd shared at least some of this sentiment and journeyed to one of the world’s most renowned sacred spots to observe the sunrise. For those for whom this is a religious practice, there are variations on the rituals or traditions. Some will burn a Yule wreath in a bonfire; some will dance, drum, sing, and pray. The variations are endless — some rituals may be prescribed and ceremonial, while others will be more spontaneous: all are witnessing the turning of the wheel of the year. People attune themselves to the rhythms of the natural world and invite the seasons of waxing and waning, of birth, growth, death and renewal to reverberate more consciously in their lives.

Rituals for the day of longest light date back to ancient times, and Stonehenge is one of the most famous sites. Dating back to between 3000-1500 BCE, its main axis is aligned to the solstice sunrise. Many cultures and ethnicities have celebrated, from ancient Roman celebrations of Vesta to feast days in many cultures. In contemporary Goddess spirituality, the American writer Starhawk offers this litany for ritual:

…This is the time of the rose, blossom and thorn, fragrance and blood. Now on this longest day, light triumphs, and yet begins the decline into the dark. The Sun King grown embraces the Queen of Summer in the love that is death because it is so complete that all dissolves into the single song of ecstasy that moves the worlds. So the Lord of Light dies to Himself, and sets sail across the dark seas of time, searching for the isle of light that is rebirth. We turn the Wheel and share his fate, for we have planted the seeds of our own changes and to grow we must accept even the passing of the sun. (The Spiral Dance, HarperCollins, 1999, p. 205)…

While Pagans hold religious ritual on the solstice, there are many public celebrations that also acknowledge the turning of the wheel of the year. Summer is widely seen as a good reason to celebrate! In Detroit, the River Days festival culminates with fireworks on the solstice, meeting fire with fire. Such celebrations build community and focus on the pleasures of the warm season, but without a religious intention.

Honoring the solstice can remind us just how precious each day and season is, because the truth of its passing away is also acknowledged. Gifts need to be appreciated, not taken for granted. Some will use their religious ritual to raise energy for healing, for re-aligning and redressing environmental wrongs, or for strengthening the sense of being part of nature, not set apart and individual, but interconnected in a larger whole, including the past, present and future. Such is the power of participating in the turning of the wheel of the year.

Is It Just Me? Afternoon Tea

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Teatime 

This Crone is on a Quest.  I now live in a cultural wasteland where there are no galleries, museums, symphony, or any other form of fine art pleasures.  However, the one thing I am having the most trouble dealing with is no Tea Shops.  I cannot find  anywhere to have formal afternoon tea within two hours of me.  Unacceptable!!!!!  It would not do any good to open one here (did I mention cultural wasteland)… there isn’t even a coffee shop that opens until after 3 PM  (I don’t know what that is all about)!

My current distraction from this sad reality, as I Quest to find one, is “Tea Time Magazine”.  I page longingly through it, looking at the beautifully set tables covered with fine linen, china and other elegant tea acoutremts.  I can almost sense the taste of the parings recommended by the Tea Sommelier…i.e. Strawberry Guava Tropical White or Goddess of Mercy Oolong Tea.   I long for the days in LA and Arizona, when I could pick a new tea shop each week, and indulge in the rapture of calmness only afternoon tea can bring.  All of the fine resorts have afternoon or high tea,  and often beautiful classical music to soothe ones soul further.  It quickens me that the famous Russian Tea Room in NYC is still going strong in its 89th year.  Now that is an experience!  View the Video on their website to get a sense of all this ranting I’m doing.  

I do not consider myself a snob until it comes to Tea Shops! Having tea with a friend who shares the appreciation for the experience is ethereal. It is not as much about the food and tea as the atmosphere and experience.  I think it is like a cosmic meditation in public…. and its legal!  I found one French Boutique/Tea Room an hours drive away.   When I got there it was superb, but having a closing sale; no tea available (did I mention cultural wasteland)? The Quest is real and the challenge great.  Like any Diva/Crone we shall not be undone.  I’ve now found 3 more people here that want me to let them know when I do find The Utopian Tea Room nearby.  So, as we Quest, we wish each of you success in finding bliss in your local tea shop.  

P.S. Ladies, do not ever expect that this  experience is one you will ever get a man to accompany you.  I’ve only found 2 in the entire country.  It just isn’t macho enough. 

Namaste,

The Queen Cronista