Category Archives: Funny Stuff

Diva Rambling: When I Am Old…

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I don’t know about you Divas, but when I was 28 years old a friend of mine sent this to me.  I asked him if he thought I would be that way when I was old. To that he replied “Hell you are like that now!”  I guess no one will be surprised but my sister Joan who still prays that there is hope for me :~)

When I Am Old.

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat that doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me,
And I shall spend my pension
on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals,
and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
And run my stick along the public railings,
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens,
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,
Or only bread and pickle for a week,
And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats
and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,
And pay our rent and not swear in the street,
And set a good example for the children.
We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me
are not too shocked and surprised,
When suddenly I am old
and start to wear purple! 

Jenny Joseph

Diva Musing: Rainy Day….

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It’s raining in the Crater City.  I am very non-plus today.  So much to do.  I have SAADD (Senior Adult Attention Deficit Disorder)!  I can’t get one thing done from bumping around like a bumper car at a carnival.  Ever have one of those days?  Everything is a distraction, lots of tasks get done, but none that add up to showing you you did them at the end of the day?  I hate when that happens.  

The Queen of the Cosmos (That’s also me!)…says “The future is arriving in each new second….make the best of this one now!”  I’ve created my own pressure I can’t seem to live up to today.  This too shall pass.  I know I’ll get focused eventually….”Oh look there’s a Unicorn!!!”

Namaste My, Divas,

The Queen Cronista

Diva Rambling…. One More Thing!

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My daughter is a stand up comedian.  You may remember on occasion that I highly recommend laughter as the best medicine.  Well, as it happens her “Country Cool.com” comedy troop is going to be at several locations in the South this summer.  I recommend first hand comedy to cure what ails you.  If not Trish and the Country Cool Chicklets then any comedy club nearby.

https://www.countrycool.com/

WE ARE COUNTRY COOL

COUNTRY COOL is a straight-shootin’, no-holds-barred comedy show that laughs at what we’re all dealin’ with…the “this can’t really be happening” moments in life that make us feel like we’re losing our minds, one traffic jam at a time. Trish Suhr, Karen Mills and Leanne Morgan, all headlining comedians, have southern roots but are well-traveled, diverse, razor sharp and savvy. Their no-nonsense approach “tells it like it is” but, of course, with charm and style.  It’s not redneck; it’s not white trash — these girls are country cool!  It’s comedy for the masses, because, let’s face it, everybody’s got a little country in ‘em. These three women have been friends for more than a decade and have stood in it, walked through it and come out the other side laughing. Whether it’s overcoming cancer, the loss of a beloved pet or talking each other down from the hormonal ledge, they continue to find the humor in everything life dishes out.

Diva Musing: Summer Solstice….

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I, myself, honor the miracle of creation and the changing of the seasons that is a part of this glorious Universe we live in. It is a spectacular event, if you think about it.  Today marks the summer solstice and I thought we’d wax ethereally down that road together…Namaste, The Queen Cronista….
sum·mer sol·stice
ˈsəmər ˈsälstəs,ˈsōlstəs/
noun:  the solstice that marks the onset of summer, at the time of the longest day, about June 21 in the northern hemisphere and December 22 in the southern hemisphere

The Spiritual Meaning of the Summer Solstice; By Grove Harris

The summer solstice is upon us: Things to know about the longest day of the year

Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year, the shortest night, and a tipping point: from here on out the days get shorter and the nights get longer. The solstice, sometimes called midsummer because by now farmers have long done their planting, is technically the first day of summer. It both ushers in the warmest season, and reminds that the season is short, slipping away day by day. For those who revere nature, summer solstice may be celebrated by a bonfire, and staying up to greet the dawn. Celebration may be a small private event, or a large communal event such as the Pagan Spirit Gathering held on beautiful rural land in Missouri, with ritual, prayers, altars and sacred space.

Celebration may be among a broader spectrum of people, such as the 35,000 who gathered at Stonehenge last year. BBC’s coverage of that event included an interview “with those who appreciate the solstice the most: ‘We believe it is very important for people to move with the cycles of nature, and actually feel them. If you get up early in the morning and you watch that special sunrise, you’ve been a part of it. The rest of the year is shaped by that. And we think it’s a really healthy thing to do, and a very spiritual thing to do.’” And clearly the large crowd shared at least some of this sentiment and journeyed to one of the world’s most renowned sacred spots to observe the sunrise. For those for whom this is a religious practice, there are variations on the rituals or traditions. Some will burn a Yule wreath in a bonfire; some will dance, drum, sing, and pray. The variations are endless — some rituals may be prescribed and ceremonial, while others will be more spontaneous: all are witnessing the turning of the wheel of the year. People attune themselves to the rhythms of the natural world and invite the seasons of waxing and waning, of birth, growth, death and renewal to reverberate more consciously in their lives.

Rituals for the day of longest light date back to ancient times, and Stonehenge is one of the most famous sites. Dating back to between 3000-1500 BCE, its main axis is aligned to the solstice sunrise. Many cultures and ethnicities have celebrated, from ancient Roman celebrations of Vesta to feast days in many cultures. In contemporary Goddess spirituality, the American writer Starhawk offers this litany for ritual:

…This is the time of the rose, blossom and thorn, fragrance and blood. Now on this longest day, light triumphs, and yet begins the decline into the dark. The Sun King grown embraces the Queen of Summer in the love that is death because it is so complete that all dissolves into the single song of ecstasy that moves the worlds. So the Lord of Light dies to Himself, and sets sail across the dark seas of time, searching for the isle of light that is rebirth. We turn the Wheel and share his fate, for we have planted the seeds of our own changes and to grow we must accept even the passing of the sun. (The Spiral Dance, HarperCollins, 1999, p. 205)…

While Pagans hold religious ritual on the solstice, there are many public celebrations that also acknowledge the turning of the wheel of the year. Summer is widely seen as a good reason to celebrate! In Detroit, the River Days festival culminates with fireworks on the solstice, meeting fire with fire. Such celebrations build community and focus on the pleasures of the warm season, but without a religious intention.

Honoring the solstice can remind us just how precious each day and season is, because the truth of its passing away is also acknowledged. Gifts need to be appreciated, not taken for granted. Some will use their religious ritual to raise energy for healing, for re-aligning and redressing environmental wrongs, or for strengthening the sense of being part of nature, not set apart and individual, but interconnected in a larger whole, including the past, present and future. Such is the power of participating in the turning of the wheel of the year.

Is It Just Me? Afternoon Tea

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Teatime 

This Crone is on a Quest.  I now live in a cultural wasteland where there are no galleries, museums, symphony, or any other form of fine art pleasures.  However, the one thing I am having the most trouble dealing with is no Tea Shops.  I cannot find  anywhere to have formal afternoon tea within two hours of me.  Unacceptable!!!!!  It would not do any good to open one here (did I mention cultural wasteland)… there isn’t even a coffee shop that opens until after 3 PM  (I don’t know what that is all about)!

My current distraction from this sad reality, as I Quest to find one, is “Tea Time Magazine”.  I page longingly through it, looking at the beautifully set tables covered with fine linen, china and other elegant tea acoutremts.  I can almost sense the taste of the parings recommended by the Tea Sommelier…i.e. Strawberry Guava Tropical White or Goddess of Mercy Oolong Tea.   I long for the days in LA and Arizona, when I could pick a new tea shop each week, and indulge in the rapture of calmness only afternoon tea can bring.  All of the fine resorts have afternoon or high tea,  and often beautiful classical music to soothe ones soul further.  It quickens me that the famous Russian Tea Room in NYC is still going strong in its 89th year.  Now that is an experience!  View the Video on their website to get a sense of all this ranting I’m doing.  

I do not consider myself a snob until it comes to Tea Shops! Having tea with a friend who shares the appreciation for the experience is ethereal. It is not as much about the food and tea as the atmosphere and experience.  I think it is like a cosmic meditation in public…. and its legal!  I found one French Boutique/Tea Room an hours drive away.   When I got there it was superb, but having a closing sale; no tea available (did I mention cultural wasteland)? The Quest is real and the challenge great.  Like any Diva/Crone we shall not be undone.  I’ve now found 3 more people here that want me to let them know when I do find The Utopian Tea Room nearby.  So, as we Quest, we wish each of you success in finding bliss in your local tea shop.  

P.S. Ladies, do not ever expect that this  experience is one you will ever get a man to accompany you.  I’ve only found 2 in the entire country.  It just isn’t macho enough. 

Namaste,

The Queen Cronista

 

 

Diva Musings-Happiness

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It is a beautiful, hot, summer day.  The possibilities are endless today.  It’s like being a kid in a candy store.  What happiness will I choose to ingest today?  This is a question we need to ask ourselves each day.  Sometimes when Divas feel a little “peeky” we have trouble getting our happy on.  Find a trigger that can get it started.  A thought that makes you smile and feel joy from your core.  One of my favorites is “Bailey on a Rope”. I use to have an adorable red Mini Doberman Pincer named Bailey.  One of Bailey’s best friends was a 120 pound Rottweiler named Shirley.  She loved to play with Shirley at the dog park in LA.  She would get one of the large knotted ropes dogs love and she and Shirley would begin tug of war…seriously!  Shirley would lift Bailey in the air, swing her about playfully and let go of the rope.  Bailey would land, collect herself and then stand in a firm bull like stance as if to say….”See, I kicked your ass again!!!”. It was hilarious.  This “trigger” never fails to get me back on track to some form or joy.

The Queen Cronista highly recommends you find your own personal “Trigger” and keep it in your tool kit for those days when your joy meter needs a good jump start.

Below are some quotes from the rich and famous that give pause for thought……

Namaste, The Queen Cronista

Happiness Quotes

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.”
Chuck Palahniuk,Diary

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.”
Ernest Hemingway, The Garden of Eden

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
Mahatma Gandhi

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
Mahatma Gandhi

You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”
Albert Camus

Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.”
J.R.R. Tolkien

The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it’s all that matters.”
Audrey Hepburn

Happiness is a warm puppy.”
Charles M. Schulz

It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”
Dale CarnegieHow to Win Friends and Influence People

Today’s Thought-Laughter

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lets-go-raps-we-the-north-21

I saw this this morning somewhere, and I had to laugh. It reminded me so much of Little Bella, my Min -Pin that crossed the rainbow bridge.  She didn’t take anything from anybody.  She thought she was a full blown Doberman.  You can be the Doberman in someone’s day whenever needed.

Remember this humor trigger the next time you need to summons the courage to walk up to a bully and set your boundaries.  Remember it when you need to confront a boss who is an anal retentive Hun.  Remember it when you need to clear the dust bunnies from your mind.  You are in charge every day.  It is up to you to seize the moment.  Or, just remember it and smile.  Remembering this will make you have a better day.

Namaste,

The Queen Cronista