Category Archives: Diva Rant

Diva Musing- Intent

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In·tent\ inˈtent/

noun:   intention or purpose.   “with alarm she realized his intent”

It is with intent that we choose right from wrong.  It is with intent that we choose bad over good,  it is with intent choose compassion over mean spirited-ness.  Remember, whatever choice we make there is an ultimate price to be paid.  

In a chaos filled Universe I still dream that we all learn to make better choices, right choices, choices that fill the well of human existence with water that is compiled of pure energy and light.  When I loose it, like I sometimes do, I immediately try to do something to cancel the bad energy I put out.  If my intent for loosing it was to set a right wrong, then I pray my intent was received in the spirit it was sent.  

Our best spiritual path is often strewn with idiots and bullies.  While I immediately want to hate them I try to shift my energy so theirs will do the same.  When that doesn’t work then the full force of the Diva is released with intent to right a wrong, and that as they say, is their fair warning.  The wisdom of my years still does not let me tolerate it when I see bullies riding over others with whip or tongue.  I’m equally proficient with either and I will take you down.  It still hurts when I see innocents bullied and for my response with intent I will never apologize. 

Namaste, The Queen Cronista

 

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Diva Ranting: America…JFK Style…

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What the over entitled, spoiled, unpatriotic American has forgotten, can best be reminded in the words of our late president John F Kennedy. How dare we as humans of the Universe disparage any countries ideals that support freedom, democracy and opportunity?  Leave, go somewhere that will tolerate your stupidity and ingratitude. For the families who have members in the military that have died for your freedoms of stupidity, rampant ingratitude, poor taste,  lack of intelligence, and tantrums, we cannot even apologize enough for the lack of respect by the idiots.  What we can do is pray for those defending the idiots right to act like reprobates.  Namaste, The Queen Cronista

KENNEDY’S MOST FAMOUS WORDS: “ASK NOT WHAT YOUR COUNTRY CAN DO FOR YOU – ASK WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR COUNTRY”

Most Americans know three of them by heart. Scant phrases which, though spoken in the most ritualistic and formal of settings, commonly define an age, and a speaker. “With malice toward none” Lincoln said in his second inaugural address, and Franklin D. Roosevelt, “Nothing to fear but fear itself” in his first. John F. Kennedy, whose centenary is celebrated this month, uttered the third such phrase at his only inauguration and it is, in popular memory, recalled the most simply: “Ask not.” Of course, that is not the whole of the quotation, or the whole story, which is told here…

The seventeen most inspiring words in 20th century American history were spoken by John F. Kennedy, around mid-day, on January 20, 1961, in Washington, D.C. The occasion was his Presidential Inauguration, and came as he was concluding his Inaugural Address.  Kennedy, the first President born in the 20th century, and 27 years younger than his predecessor, Dwight D. Eisenhower, had just declared that the torch had been passed to a new generation of Americans – “born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage” – and pledged to “pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty.” Then he spoke the seventeen words –

And so, my fellow Americans: Ask not what your country can do for you –  ask what you can do for your country.

Those words, when first heard over a half-century ago, were positively electrifying. No president had ever challenged citizens, in peacetime, to sacrifice or commit to a larger vision. With that single sentence, Kennedy inspired people to new possibilities. He raised their expectations of themselves, and of their nation. In response, some joined the Peace Corps, others the Green Berets; thousands flocked to Washington to be part of the “New Frontier.” Students, thinking ahead to government service, went to law school or into programs with social benefit. All across the country, Kennedy’s words changed lives.  “It was a special time,” a Senator remembered years later. “Lord, I’ve never had such a feeling before or since then. It was marvelous; without living it, you can’t express it. It gave the country a lift; it gave the world a lift. People cried in the dusty streets of Africa when he died.” All because of, really, seventeen simple words of inspiration.

Diva Ranting: Good Manners….

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I do try to stay on a positive note as often as possible.  However, today the scale tipped big time.  I always try to say a cheerful good morning to the teens as they enter the building.  Some reply and some ignore.  However, when you meet one face to face often and they turn to the wall every time to ignore you (in a 4 foot wide hall) …rude, rude, rude!  Practically spitting in teachers and principle’s faces is beneath contempt.  I myself will not tolerate the “hollyweird” princesses who think they are entitled over the rest of the students and lord that fact over their peers heads.  

We all had them in school…the mean girls who thought everyone but them was ugly.  However, these are the caretakers of the future.  The ones who will either care for our world and its inhabitants or destroy it.  We live in a time when the over entitled masses are the majority and the state of the world is showing it.  Parents, teach your children manners. Politeness to elders, peers and those in authority is necessary to provide a mainstay of our society.  I rarely see a young lad open a door for anyone anymore.  When I do I complement and thank him and his parents.  

In our keeping up with the Krapasshshun world it has somehow become OK to be a rude, thoughtless, snot!  NOT!!!!! If one of my children had ever exhibited that behavior in public I would have turned them over to the juvenile authorities and let them be a problem for the state to handle.  

I salute those parents of the kind, caring and helpful young people I see in the minority.  You as well as your children are a credit to your families and our society.  I pray than can overcome the rude majority of their peers and continue to make the world some kind of place we want to live in for the future.  

To the parents of the brats, you deserve who you get to care for you in your old age!!!

Diva Ranting: Modern Manners….

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I’ve been force feeding you from Emily Post for a couple of days now.  I long for the good manners of days gone by.  However, I found this little tidbit in Forbes to help us with more up to date issues…Namaste,  the Queen Cronista…

27 Etiquette Rules For Our Times

CONTRIBUTOR

I write about what success looks like today for Forbes

Rob Asghar 

It is impossible to overlook the extent to which civilization is built upon a renunciation of instinct,” Sigmund Freud said.

There’s always a tension between how much we should follow our instincts and how much we should yield to social conventions. But at times like ours, the tendency is to tilt too far toward our instincts, since the conventions are changing fast and there’s no consensus about them anyway. There’s a risk in that. You don’t know whom you might be offending or how you might be sabotaging your own success.

The original etiquette manuals of Western civilization were in fact success manuals. As author Steven Pinker notes, they taught knights and nobles how to conduct themselves in the court of the king—which is where we get the concepts of “courtly” and “courtesy.”

[See this related post for more on the history of manners, including Pinker’s provocative suggestion that the rise of manners at the dinner table helped bring about a steep decline in violence on the streets

I asked some tasteful and civilized friends and colleagues what an updated manual for today would look like. Here are 27 rules to help you, whether at an office lunch, the company gym or the birthday party of your child’s schoolmate.

You’ll notice a common denominator in all of them: Think about other people’s feelings first because it’s not all about maximizing your personal convenience.

1. Texting “Hey, I’m running 20 minutes late” is not as acceptable as making the effort to be on time.

2. If you can’t attend an event that you’re formally invited to, don’t think that not RSVPing is the same as declining. And don’t RSVP at the last minute for an event that involves real planning by the host.

3. Show some decency around the office refrigerator: If you didn’t put the food in, don’t eat it. And take your leftovers home or throw them out before they morph into some radioactive nightmare.

4. Don’t bellow on your cell phone. Just because you can’t hear the other person well doesn’t mean the other person can’t hear you well.

5. Turn off the phone at a dinner party, and be in the moment. You’re annoying at least one person who thinks you have no social skills. At bare minimum, turn off the ringer so you can text and conspire in relative stealth.

6. Remember that if you feel a need to respond immediately to every incoming text, you’ll lose more in the eyes of the person who’s in front of you than you’ll gain from the unseen people who are benefiting from your efficiency.

7. When you get to the front of the line at Starbucks SBUX +0.17%, don’t tell the barista to wait while you wrap up your phone discussion. The barista hates you, and so does everyone behind you. They are hoping the barista spits in your latte.

8. If you come late to an exercise class, don’t think you’re entitled to barge your way to your favorite spot in the front.  And don’t block others from weight racks or other equipment—just step back three feet and make everyone happy.

9. Keep personal conversations and arguments off social networking sites. The dramatic airing of grievances is best done through SMS .

10. Moderate your use of cameras and video at events. Enjoy your time with colleagues, friends and family in the present and preserve only a memento for the future, rather than recording the entire thing to “relive” later in some “free” time that you’ll never actually have.

11. Remember how easily e-gossip can be forwarded along to the wrong person.

12. Just because you’re wearing headphones doesn’t mean you can tune out from social courtesies. For example, if you accidentally cross someone’s personal space, apologize graciously.

13. Don’t lend someone a book or item unless they specifically ask for it. They’re probably too busy to ever get around to it. They’ll feel guilty about that, and you’ll be annoyed that they didn’t appreciate it or even get around to returning it.

14. Don’t RSVP for an event, then not show. Now you’re not just being rude, but you’re costing the host money, and you’ve probably kept a lonely soul from being invited as a backup.

15. Don’t be the first or second person to talk on your cell phone in a public space (like a bus or train). If everyone’s doing it, you’re allowed some slack here.

16. Don’t show up at a party empty-handed, unless you’ve been instructed to — and sometimes not even then. Bring wine or dessert or a plant.

17. Use your turn signal at least 50% more than you use your middle finger.

18. Don’t make your dietary requirements everyone else’s dilemma. As one friend reminds me, “People who can eat dairy don’t just keep coconut oil-based butter around.”

19. If your children are invited to a friend’s house to play, they (and you) should also feel invited to help with the cleanup.

20. Don’t break up with someone by text. And don’t announce a death in the family by text. There are still times when phones or face-to-face are the best way to go.

21. Don’t take photos for posting on the People of Walmart page.

22. Don’t discuss sensitive personal issues on Facebook, especially if you’ve friended coworkers.

23. Your dog is cute, but he or she doesn’t have a pass to go anywhere. “I’m a huge dog lover,” says one colleague, “but don’t assume it’s okay to bring along your dog to my house. I can barely stand what my own dogs do to my house … I also don’t like people who bring their animals to Petco. Seriously, do you think your dog likes to shop? It’s just you seeking attention. You probably don’t even need anything at Petco… you’re just there because you can bring your dog in, and you think it’s cool to bring a dog out in public. Dogs don’t shop. They would rather be sniffing the pee on that trashcan outside by the front door than walking on slippery retail flooring.”

24. Double-check that your headphones are plugged-in before streaming your favorite Spotify station.

25. Don’t say, “I’m having a party. Bring your own food and drink.” That’s not a party.

26. If you’ve been invited to an event, be reluctant to ask for an upper ceiling on how many friends and relatives you can bring.

27. And finally, all the classics still apply. One working mother offers a quick review here:

Chew with your mouth closed; don’t talk with food in your mouth; keep your elbows off of the table while eating; wash your hands after going to the restroom. My children know better—so why do I see adults exhibiting such poor behavior? If you bump into someone, say excuse me. Don’t reach across someone’s face. Don’t board a plane when they’re loading group A and you are in group D. Don’t stay behind the crosswalk when you are making a left turn and thus prevent anyone else behind you from turning. Don’t let your kids act like wild monkeys in a restaurant. Don’t touch someone’s belly when she’s pregnant–or even when she isn’t. Don’t leave cupboard doors and drawers open—someone can get hurt. And don’t pull up to the exit gate in a parking lot without your ticket handy.”

That may seem like a lot, and to some it may seem like an uptight way to live. But just remember the basic success principle underlying all manners: Think about other people’s feelings first because it’s still not all about you.

Today’s Thought: More on Manners….

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Stepping out…yes, for those who don’t know, there is a proper protocol for stepping out in public.  Don’t we wish the phone texting zombies knew a little more about this one?  
Namaste, The Queen Cronista

CHAPTER VI

AT THE OPERA, THE THEATER, AND OTHER PUBLIC GATHERINGS

Excepting a religious ceremonial, there is no occasion where greater dignity of manner is required of ladies and gentlemen both, than in occupying a box at the opera. For a gentleman especially no other etiquette is so exacting.

In walking about in the foyer of the opera house, a gentleman leaves his coat in the box—or in his orchestra chair—but he always wears his high hat. The “collapsible” hat is for use in the seats rather than in the boxes, but it can be worn perfectly well by a guest in the latter if he hasn’t a “silk” one. A gentleman must always be in full dress, tail coat, white waistcoat, white tie and white gloves whether he is seated in the orchestra or a box. He wears white gloves nowhere else except at a ball, or when usher at a wedding.

As people usually dine with their hostess before the opera, they arrive together; the gentlemen assist the ladies to lay off their wraps, one of the gentlemen (whichever is nearest) draws back the curtain dividing the ante-room from the box, and the ladies enter, followed by the gentlemen, the last of whom closes the curtain again. If there are two ladies besides the hostess, the latter places her most distinguished or older guest in the corner nearest the stage. The seat furthest from the stage is always her own. The older guest takes her seat first, then the hostess takes her place, whereupon the third lady goes forward in the center to the front of the box, and stands until one of the gentlemen places a chair for her between the other two. (The chairs are arranged in three rows, of one on either side with an aisle left between.)

One of the duties of the gentlemen is to see that the curtains at the back of the box remain tightly closed, as the light from the ante-room shining in the faces of others in the audience across the house is very disagreeable to them.

A gentleman never sits in the front row of a box, even though he is for a time alone in it.

As To Visiting

It is the custom for a gentleman who is a guest in one box to pay visits to friends in other boxes during the entr’actes. He must visit none but ladies of his acquaintance and must never enter a box in which he knows only the gentlemen, and expect to be introduced to the ladies. If Arthur Norman, for instance, wishes to present a gentleman to Mrs. Gilding in her box at the opera, he must first ask her if he may bring his friend James Dawson. (He would on no account speak of him as Mr. Dawson unless he is an elderly person.) A lady’s box at the opera is actually her house, and only those who are acceptable as visitors in her house should ask to be admitted.

But it is quite correct for a gentleman to go into a stranger’s box to speak to a lady who is a friend of his, just as he would go to see her if she were staying in a stranger’s house. But he should not go into the box of one he does not know, to speak to a lady with whom he has only a slight acquaintance, since visits are not paid quite so casually to ladies who are themselves visitors. Upon a gentleman’s entering a box it is obligatory for whoever is sitting behind the lady to whom the arriving gentleman’s visit is addressed, to relinquish his chair. Another point of etiquette is that a gentleman must never leave the ladies of his own box alone. Occasionally it happens that the gentlemen in Mrs. Gilding’s box, for instance, have all relinquished their places to visitors and have themselves gone to Mrs. Worldly’s or Mrs. Jones’ or Mrs. Town’s boxes. Mrs. Gilding’s guests must, from the vantage point of the Worldly, Jones or Town boxes, keep a watchful eye on their hostess and instantly return to her support when they see her visitors about to leave, even though the ladies whom they are momentarily visiting be left to themselves. It is of course the duty of the other gentlemen who came to the opera with Mrs. Worldly, Mrs. Jones or Mrs. Town to hurry to them.

A gentleman must never stay in any box that he does not belong in, after the lowering of the lights for the curtain. Nor, in spite of cartoons to the contrary, does good taste permit conversation during the performance or during the overture. Box holders arriving late or leaving before the final curtain do so as quietly as possible and always without speaking.

A “Brilliant Opera Night”

A “brilliant opera night,” which one often hears spoken of (meaning merely that all the boxes are occupied, and that the ladies are more elaborately dressed than usual) is generally a night when a leader of fashion such as Mrs. Worldly, Mrs. Gilding, or Mrs. Toplofty, is giving a ball; and most of the holders of the parterre boxes are in ball dresses, with an unusual display of jewels. Or a house will be particularly “brilliant” if a very great singer is appearing in a new rôle, or if a personage be present, as when Marshal Joffre went to the Metropolitan.

After The Performance

One gentleman, at least, must wait in the carriage lobby until all the ladies in his party have driven away. Never under any circumstances may “the last” gentleman leave a lady standing alone on the sidewalk. It is the duty of the hostess to take all unattended ladies home who have not a private conveyance of their own, but the obligation does not extend to married couples or odd men. But if a married lady or widow has ordered her own car to come for her, the odd gentleman waits with her until it appears. It is then considerate for her to offer him a “lift,” but it is equally proper for her to thank him for waiting and drive off alone.

At The Theater

New Yorkers of highest fashion almost never occupy a box at the theater. At the opera the world of fashion is to be seen in the parterre boxes (not the first tier), and in boxes at some of the horse shows and at many public charity balls and entertainments, but those in boxes at the theater are usually “strangers” or “outsiders.”

No one can dispute that the best theater seats are those in the center of the orchestra. A box in these days of hatlessness has nothing to recommend it except that the people can sit in a group and gentlemen can go out between the acts easily, but these advantages hardly make up for the disadvantage to four or at least three out of the six box occupants who see scarcely a slice of the stage.

Will You Dine And Go To The Play?

There is no more popular or agreeable way of entertaining people than to ask them to “dine and go to the play.” The majority do not even prefer to have “opera” substituted for “play,” because those who care for serious music are a minority compared with those who like the theater.

If a bachelor gives a small theater party he usually takes his guests to dine at the Fitz-Cherry or some other fashionable and “amusing” restaurant, but a married couple living in their own house are more likely to dine at home, unless they belong to a type prevalent in New York which is “restaurant mad.” The Gildings, in spite of the fact that their own chef is the best there is, are much more apt to dine in a restaurant before going to a play—or if they don’t dine in a restaurant, they go to one for supper afterwards. But the Normans, if they ask people to dine and go to the theater, invariably dine at home.

A theater party can of course be of any size, but six or eight is the usual number, and the invitations are telephoned: “Will Mr. and Mrs. Lovejoy dine with Mr. and Mrs. Norman at seven-thirty on Tuesday and go to the play?”

Or “Will Mr. and Mrs. Oldname dine with Mr. Clubwin Doe on Saturday at the Toit d’Or and go to the play?”

When Mr. and Mrs. Oldname “accept with pleasure” a second message is given: “Dinner will be at 7.30.”

Mrs. Norman’s guests go to her house. Mr. Doe’s guests meet him in the foyer of the Toit d’Or. But the guests at both dinners are taken to the theater by their host. If a dinner is given by a hostess who has no car of her own, a guest will sometimes ask: “Don’t you want me to have the car come back for us?” The hostess can either say to an intimate friend “Why, yes, thank you very much,” or to a more formal acquaintance, “No, thank you just the same—I have ordered taxis.” Or she can accept. There is no rule beyond her own feelings in the matter.

Mr. Doe takes his guests to the theater in taxis. The Normans, if only the Lovejoys are dining with them, go in Mrs. Norman’s little town car, but if there are to be six or eight, the ladies go in her car and the gentlemen follow in a taxi. (Unless Mrs. Worldly or Mrs. Gilding are in the party and order their cars back.)

Tickets Bought In Advance

Before inviting anyone to go to a particular play, a hostess must be sure that good tickets are to be had. She should also try to get seats for a play that is new; since it is dull to take people to something they have already seen. This is not difficult in cities where new plays come to town every week, but in New York, where the same ones run for a year or more, it is often a choice between an old good one or a new one that is poor. If intimate friends are coming, a hostess usually asks them what they want to see and tries to get tickets accordingly.

It is really unnecessary to add that one must never ask people to go to a place of public amusement and then stand in line to get seats at the time of the performance.

Going Down The Aisle Of A Theater

The host, or whichever gentleman has the tickets, (if there is no host, the hostess usually hands them to one of the, gentlemen before leaving her house), goes down the aisle first and gives the checks to the usher, and the others follow in the order in which they are to sit and which the hostess must direct. It is necessary that each knows who follows whom, particularly if a theater party arrives after the curtain has gone up. If the hostess “forgets,” the guests always ask before trooping down the aisle “How do you want us to sit?” For nothing is more awkward and stupid than to block the aisle at the row where their seats are, while their hostess “sorts them”; and worse yet, in her effort to be polite, sends the ladies to their seats first and then lets the gentlemen stumble across them to their own places. Going down the aisle is not a question of precedence, but a question of seating. The one who is to sit eighth from the aisle, whether a lady or a gentleman, goes first, then the seventh, then the sixth, and if the gentleman with the checks is fifth, he goes in his turn and the fourth follows him.

If a gentleman and his wife go to the theater alone, the question as to who goes down the aisle first depends on where the usher is. If the usher takes the checks at the head of the aisle, she follows the usher. Otherwise the gentleman goes first with the checks. When their places are shown him, he stands aside for his wife to take her place first and then he takes his. A lady never sits in the aisle seat if she is with a gentleman.

Good Manners At The Theater

In passing across people who are seated, always face the stage and press as close to the backs of the seats you are facing as you can. Remember also not to drag anything across the heads of those sitting in front of you. At the moving pictures, especially when it is dark and difficult to see, a coat on an arm passing behind a chair can literally devastate the hair-dressing of a lady occupying it.

If you are obliged to cross in front of some one who gets up to let you pass, say “Thank you,” or “Thank you very much” or “I am very sorry.” Do not say “Pardon me!” or “Beg pardon!” Though you can say “I beg your pardon.” That, however, would be more properly the expression to use if you brushed your coat over their heads, or spilled water over them, or did something to them for which you should actually beg their pardon. But “Beg pardon,” which is an abbreviation, is one of the phrases never said in best society.

Gentlemen who want to go out after every act should always be sure to get aisle seats. There are no greater theater pests than those who come back after the curtain has gone up and temporarily snuff out the view of everyone behind, as well as annoy those who are obliged to stand up and let them by.

Between the acts nearly all gentlemen go out and smoke at least once, but those wedged in far from the aisle, who file out every time the curtain drops are utterly lacking in consideration for others. If there are five acts, they should at most go out for two entr’actes and even then be careful to come back before the curtain goes up.

Very Inconsiderate To Giggle And Talk

Nothing shows less consideration for others than to whisper and rattle programmes and giggle and even make audible remarks throughout a performance. Very young people love to go to the theater in droves called theater parties and absolutely ruin the evening for others who happen to sit in front of them. If Mary and Johnny and Susy and Tommy want to talk and giggle, why not arrange chairs in rows for them in a drawing-room, turn on a phonograph as an accompaniment and let them sit there and chatter!

If those behind you insist on talking it is never good policy to turn around and glare. If you are young they pay no attention, and if you are older—most young people think an angry older person the funniest sight on earth! The small boy throws a snowball at an elderly gentleman for no other reason! The only thing you can do is to say amiably: “I’m sorry, but I can’t hear anything while you talk.” If they still persist, you can ask an usher to call the manager.

The sentimental may as well realize that every word said above a whisper is easily heard by those sitting directly in front, and those who tell family or other private affairs might do well to remember this also.

As a matter of fact, comparatively few people are ever anything but well behaved. Those who arrive late and stand long, leisurely removing their wraps, and who insist on laughing and talking are rarely encountered; most people take their seats as quietly and quickly as they possibly can, and are quite as much interested in the play and therefore as attentive and quiet as you are. A very annoying person at the “movies” is one who reads every “caption” out loud.

Proper Theater Clothes

At the evening performance in New York a lady wears a dinner dress; a gentleman a dinner coat, often called a Tuxedo. Full dress is not correct, but those going afterwards to a ball can perfectly well go to the theater first if they do not make themselves conspicuous. A lady in a ball dress and many jewels should avoid elaborate hair ornamentation and must keep her wrap, or at least a sufficiently opaque scarf, about her shoulders to avoid attracting people’s attention. A gentleman in full dress is not conspicuous.

And on the subject of theater dress it might be tentatively remarked that prinking and “making up” in public are all part of an age which can not see fun in a farce without bedroom scenes and actors in pajamas, and actresses running about in negligés with their hair down. An audience which night after night watches people dressing and undressing probably gets into an unconscious habit of dressing or prinking itself. In other days it was always thought that so much as to adjust a hat-pin or glance in a glass was lack of breeding. Every well brought up young woman was taught that she must finish dressing in her bedchamber. But to-day young women in theaters, restaurants, and other public places, are continually studying their reflection in little mirrors and patting their hair and powdering their noses and fixing this or adjusting that in a way that in Mrs. Oldname’s girlhood would have absolutely barred them from good society; nor can Mrs. Worldly or Mrs. Oldname be imagined “preening” and “prinking” anywhere. They dress as carefully and as beautifully as possible, but when they turn away from the mirrors in their dressing rooms they never look in a glass or “take note of their appearance” until they dress again. And it must be granted that Lucy Gilding, Constance Style, Celia Lovejoy, Mary Smartlington and the other well-bred members of the younger set do not put finishing touches on their faces in public—as yet!

Diva Ranting: Where have all the good men gone….On Conversation…

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I told you I was on a rant with my class and the Multiverse about the loss of respect and good manners.  So more from Emily Post on things such as these….Namaste, The Queen Cronista…

Emily Post on Conversation:

The Gift Of Humor

The joy of joys is the person of light but unmalicious humor. If you know any one who is gay, beguiling and amusing, you will, if you are wise, do everything you can to make him prefer your house and your table to any other; for where he is, the successful party is also. What he says is of no matter, it is the twist he gives to it, the intonation, the personality he puts into his quip or retort or observation that delights his hearers, and in his case the ordinary rules do not apply.

Eugene Field could tell a group of people that it had rained to-day and would probably rain to-morrow, and make everyone burst into laughter—or tears if he chose—according to the way it was said. But the ordinary rest of us must, if we would be thought sympathetic, intelligent or agreeable, “go fishing.”

Going Fishing For Topics

The charming talker is neither more nor less than a fisherman. (Fisher woman rather, since in America women make more effort to be agreeable than men do.) Sitting next to a stranger she wonders which “fly” she had better choose to interest him. She offers one topic; not much of a nibble. So she tries another or perhaps a third before he “rises” to the bait.

The Door Slammers

There are people whose idea of conversation is contradiction and flat statement. Finding yourself next to one of these, you venture:

“Have you seen any good plays lately?”

“No, hate the theater.”

“Which team are you for in the series?”

“Neither. Only an idiot could be interested in baseball.”

“Country must have a good many idiots!” mockingly.

“Obviously it has.” Full stop. In desperation you veer to the personal.

“I’ve never seen Mrs. Bobo Gilding as beautiful as she is to-night.”

“Nothing beautiful about her. As for the name ‘Bobo,’ it’s asinine.”

“Oh, it’s just one of those children’s names that stick sometimes for life.”

“Perfect rot. Ought to be called by his name,” etc.

Another, not very different in type though different in method, is the self-appointed instructor whose proper place is on the lecture platform, not at a dinner table.

“The earliest coins struck in the Peloponnesus were stamped on one side only; their alloy——” etc.

Another is the expounder of the obvious: “Have you ever noticed,” says he, deeply thinking, “how people’s tastes differ?”

Then there is the vulgarian of fulsome compliment: “Why are you so beautiful? It is not fair to the others——” and so on.

Tactless Blunderers

Tactless people are also legion. The means-to-be-agreeable elderly man says to a passée acquaintance, “Twenty years ago you were the prettiest woman in town”; or in the pleasantest tone of voice to one whose only son has married. “Why is it, do you suppose, that young wives always dislike their mothers-in-law?”

If you have any ambition to be sought after in society you must not talk about the unattractiveness of old age to the elderly, about the joys of dancing and skating to the lame, or about the advantages of ancestry to the self-made. It is also dangerous, as well as needlessly unkind, to ridicule or criticize others, especially for what they can’t help. If a young woman’s familiar or otherwise lax behavior deserves censure, a casual unflattering remark may not add to your own popularity if your listener is a relative, but you can at least, without being shamefaced, stand by your guns. On the other hand to say needlessly “What an ugly girl!” or “What a half-wit that boy is!” can be of no value except in drawing attention to your own tactlessness.

The young girl who admired her own facile adjectives said to a casual acquaintance: “How can you go about with that moth-eaten, squint-eyed, bag of a girl!” “Because,” answered the youth whom she had intended to dazzle, “the lady of your flattering epithets happens to be my sister.”

It is scarcely necessary to say that one whose tactless remarks ride rough-shod over the feelings of others, is not welcomed by many.

The Bore

A bore is said to be “one who talks about himself when you want to talk about yourself!” which is superficially true enough, but a bore might more accurately be described as one who is interested in what does not interest you, and insists that you share his enthusiasm, in spite of your disinclination. To the bore life holds no dullness; every subject is of unending delight. A story told for the thousandth time has not lost its thrill; every tiresome detail is held up and turned about as a morsel of delectableness; to him each pea in a pod differs from another with the entrancing variety that artists find in tropical sunsets.

On the other hand, to be bored is a bad habit, and one only too easy to fall into. As a matter of fact, it is impossible, almost, to meet anyone who has not something of interest to tell you if you are but clever enough yourself to find out what it is. There are certain always delightful people who refuse to be bored. Their attitude is that no subject need ever be utterly uninteresting, so long as it is discussed for the first time. Repetition alone is deadly dull. Besides, what is the matter with trying to be agreeable yourself? Not too agreeable. Alas! it is true: “Be polite to bores and so shall you have bores always round about you.” Furthermore, there is no reason why you should be bored when you can be otherwise. But if you find yourself sitting in the hedgerow with nothing but weeds, there is no reason for shutting your eyes and seeing nothing, instead of finding what beauty you may in the weeds. To put it cynically, life is too short to waste it in drawing blanks. Therefore, it is up to you to find as many pictures to put on your blank pages as possible.

A Few Important Details Of Speech In Conversation

Unless you wish to stamp yourself a person who has never been out of “provincial” society, never speak of your husband as “Mr.” except to an inferior. Mrs. Worldly for instance in talking with a stranger would say “my husband,” and to a friend, meaning one not only whom she calls by her first name, but anyone on her “dinner list,” she says, “Dick thought the play amusing” or “Dick said——”. This does not give her listener the privilege of calling him “Dick.” The listener in return speaks of her own husband as “Tom” even if he is seventy—unless her hearer is a very young person (either man or woman), when she would say “my husband.” Never “Mr. Older.” To call your husband Mr. means that you consider the person you are talking to, beneath you in station. Mr. Worldly in the same way speaks of Mrs. Worldly as “my wife” to a gentleman, or “Edith” in speaking to a lady. Always.

In speaking about other people, one says “Mrs.,” “Miss” or “Mr.” as the case may be. It is bad form to go about saying “Edith Worldly” or “Ethel Norman” to those who do not call them Edith or Ethel, and to speak thus familiarly of one whom you do not call by her first name, is unforgivable. It is also effrontery for a younger person to call an older by her or his first name, without being asked to do so. Only a very underbred, thick-skinned person would attempt it.

Also you must not take your conversation “out of the drawing-room.” Operations, ills or personal blemishes, details and appurtenances of the dressing-room, for instance, are neither suitable nor pleasant topics, nor are personal jokes in good taste.##

The “Omniscience” Of The Very Rich

Why a man, because he has millions, should assume that they confer omniscience in all branches of knowledge, is something which may be left to the psychologist to answer, but most of those thrown much in contact with millionaires will agree that an attitude of infallibility is typical of a fair majority.

A professor who has devoted his life to a subject modestly makes a statement. “You are all wrong,” says the man of millions, “It is this way——”. As a connoisseur he seems to think that because he can pay for anything he fancies, he is accredited expert as well as potential owner. Topics he does not care for are “bosh,” those which he has a smattering of, he simply appropriates; his prejudices are, in his opinion, expert criticism; his taste impeccable; his judgment infallible; and to him the world is a pleasance built for his sole pleasuring. But to the rest of us who also have to live in it with as much harmony as we can, such persons are certainly elephants at large in the garden. We can sometimes induce them to pass through gently, but they are just as likely at any moment to pull up our fences and push the house itself over on our defenseless heads.

There are countless others of course, very often the richest of all, who are authoritative in all they profess, who are experts and connoisseurs, who are human and helpful and above everything respecters of the garden enclosure of others.

Dangers To Be Avoided

In conversation the dangers are very much the same as those to be avoided in writing letters. Talk about things which you think will be agreeable to your hearer. Don’t dilate on ills, misfortune, or other unpleasantnesses. The one in greatest danger of making enemies is the man or woman of brilliant wit. If sharp, wit is apt to produce a feeling of mistrust even while it stimulates. Furthermore the applause which follows every witty sally becomes in time breath to the nostrils, and perfectly well-intentioned, people, who mean to say nothing unkind, in the flash of a second “see a point,” and in the next second, score it with no more power to resist than a drug addict can resist a dose put into his hand!

The mimic is a joy to his present company, but the eccentric mannerism of one is much easier to imitate than the charm of another, and the subjects of the habitual mimic are all too apt to become his enemies.

You need not, however, be dull because you refrain from the rank habit of a critical attitude, which like a weed will grow all over the place if you let it have half a chance. A very good resolve to make and keep, if you would also keep any friends you make, is never to speak of anyone without, in imagination, having them overhear what you say. One often hears the exclamation “I would say it to her face!” At least be very sure that this is true, and not a braggart’s phrase and then—nine times out of ten think better of it and refrain. Preaching is all very well in a text-book, schoolroom or pulpit, but it has no place in society. Society is supposed to be a pleasant place; telling people disagreeable things to their faces or behind their backs is not a pleasant occupation.

Do not be too apparently clever if you would be popular. The cleverest woman is she who, in talking to a man, makes him seem clever. This was Mme. Recamier’s great charm.

A Few Maxims For Those Who Talk Too Much—And Easily!

The faults of commission are far more serious than those of omission; regrets are seldom for what you left unsaid.

The chatterer reveals every corner of his shallow mind; one who keeps silent can not have his depth plumbed.

Don’t pretend to know more than you do. To say you have read a book and then seemingly to understand nothing of what you have read, proves you a half-wit. Only the very small mind hesitates to say “I don’t know.”

Above all, stop and think what you are saying! This is really the first, last and only rule. If you “stop” you can’t chatter or expound or flounder ceaselessly, and if you think, you will find a topic and a manner of presenting your topic so that your neighbor will be interested rather than long-suffering.

Remember also that the sympathetic (not apathetic) listener is the delight of delights. The person who looks glad to see you, who is seemingly eager for your news, or enthralled with your conversation; who looks at you with a kindling of the face, and gives you spontaneous and undivided attention, is the one to whom the palm for the art of conversation would undoubtedly be awarded.

 


Diva Ranting: Manners…..

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Years ago you were an anathema to society if you had poor manners. Mothers taught manners from the time a child could speak. What’s going on now? And we wonder why the world basically “sucks” …to put it in modern day terminology. How many grandmothers have I seen almost knocked down by out of control grandchildren? How many physically disabled people have I seen knocked off crutches and wheelchairs bumped by thugs, both young and old, in the grocery and retail stores? How many young people AND adults are on social media…texting, talking or listening to music so they are socially mute, uninteresting drones? The list could go on and on, the answer is; a Lot!
My personal vendetta has begun with my speech and home ec class of mountain men and women. Some may not like having to give speeches on how to have a proper conversation, how to set proper placement of tableware for a formal dinner, how to answer a phone like a human with a personality, how to address and respect elders. How to address the Queen of England in a reception line.
I’ve gone Old School. I’ve pulled my Emily Post book of etiquette to begin. Over the next semester, I will be posting excerpts for anyone who had friends and family that may need a booster shot of proper manners. They can hate us later…LOL! Let the lessons begin!!!!!
Namaste, The Queen Cronista….

Emily Post on Conversation:

The Gift Of Humor

The joy of joys is the person of light but unmalicious humor. If you know any one who is gay, beguiling and amusing, you will, if you are wise, do everything you can to make him prefer your house and your table to any other; for where he is, the successful party is also. What he says is of no matter, it is the twist he gives to it, the intonation, the personality he puts into his quip or retort or observation that delights his hearers, and in his case the ordinary rules do not apply.

Eugene Field could tell a group of people that it had rained to-day and would probably rain to-morrow, and make everyone burst into laughter—or tears if he chose—according to the way it was said. But the ordinary rest of us must, if we would be thought sympathetic, intelligent or agreeable, “go fishing.”

Going Fishing For Topics

The charming talker is neither more nor less than a fisherman. (Fisher woman rather, since in America women make more effort to be agreeable than men do.) Sitting next to a stranger she wonders which “fly” she had better choose to interest him. She offers one topic; not much of a nibble. So she tries another or perhaps a third before he “rises” to the bait.

The Door Slammers

There are people whose idea of conversation is contradiction and flat statement. Finding yourself next to one of these, you venture:

“Have you seen any good plays lately?”

“No, hate the theater.”

“Which team are you for in the series?”

“Neither. Only an idiot could be interested in baseball.”

“Country must have a good many idiots!” mockingly.

“Obviously it has.” Full stop. In desperation you veer to the personal.

“I’ve never seen Mrs. Bobo Gilding as beautiful as she is to-night.”

“Nothing beautiful about her. As for the name ‘Bobo,’ it’s asinine.”

“Oh, it’s just one of those children’s names that stick sometimes for life.”

“Perfect rot. Ought to be called by his name,” etc.

Another, not very different in type though different in method, is the self-appointed instructor whose proper place is on the lecture platform, not at a dinner table.

“The earliest coins struck in the Peloponnesus were stamped on one side only; their alloy——” etc.

Another is the expounder of the obvious: “Have you ever noticed,” says he, deeply thinking, “how people’s tastes differ?”

Then there is the vulgarian of fulsome compliment: “Why are you so beautiful? It is not fair to the others——” and so on.

Tactless Blunderers

Tactless people are also legion. The means-to-be-agreeable elderly man says to a passée acquaintance, “Twenty years ago you were the prettiest woman in town”; or in the pleasantest tone of voice to one whose only son has married. “Why is it, do you suppose, that young wives always dislike their mothers-in-law?”

If you have any ambition to be sought after in society you must not talk about the unattractiveness of old age to the elderly, about the joys of dancing and skating to the lame, or about the advantages of ancestry to the self-made. It is also dangerous, as well as needlessly unkind, to ridicule or criticize others, especially for what they can’t help. If a young woman’s familiar or otherwise lax behavior deserves censure, a casual unflattering remark may not add to your own popularity if your listener is a relative, but you can at least, without being shamefaced, stand by your guns. On the other hand to say needlessly “What an ugly girl!” or “What a half-wit that boy is!” can be of no value except in drawing attention to your own tactlessness.

The young girl who admired her own facile adjectives said to a casual acquaintance: “How can you go about with that moth-eaten, squint-eyed, bag of a girl!” “Because,” answered the youth whom she had intended to dazzle, “the lady of your flattering epithets happens to be my sister.”

It is scarcely necessary to say that one whose tactless remarks ride rough-shod over the feelings of others, is not welcomed by many.

The Bore

A bore is said to be “one who talks about himself when you want to talk about yourself!” which is superficially true enough, but a bore might more accurately be described as one who is interested in what does not interest you, and insists that you share his enthusiasm, in spite of your disinclination. To the bore life holds no dullness; every subject is of unending delight. A story told for the thousandth time has not lost its thrill; every tiresome detail is held up and turned about as a morsel of delectableness; to him each pea in a pod differs from another with the entrancing variety that artists find in tropical sunsets.

On the other hand, to be bored is a bad habit, and one only too easy to fall into. As a matter of fact, it is impossible, almost, to meet anyone who has not something of interest to tell you if you are but clever enough yourself to find out what it is. There are certain always delightful people who refuse to be bored. Their attitude is that no subject need ever be utterly uninteresting, so long as it is discussed for the first time. Repetition alone is deadly dull. Besides, what is the matter with trying to be agreeable yourself? Not too agreeable. Alas! it is true: “Be polite to bores and so shall you have bores always round about you.” Furthermore, there is no reason why you should be bored when you can be otherwise. But if you find yourself sitting in the hedgerow with nothing but weeds, there is no reason for shutting your eyes and seeing nothing, instead of finding what beauty you may in the weeds. To put it cynically, life is too short to waste it in drawing blanks. Therefore, it is up to you to find as many pictures to put on your blank pages as possible.

A Few Important Details Of Speech In Conversation

Unless you wish to stamp yourself a person who has never been out of “provincial” society, never speak of your husband as “Mr.” except to an inferior. Mrs. Worldly for instance in talking with a stranger would say “my husband,” and to a friend, meaning one not only whom she calls by her first name, but anyone on her “dinner list,” she says, “Dick thought the play amusing” or “Dick said——”. This does not give her listener the privilege of calling him “Dick.” The listener in return speaks of her own husband as “Tom” even if he is seventy—unless her hearer is a very young person (either man or woman), when she would say “my husband.” Never “Mr. Older.” To call your husband Mr. means that you consider the person you are talking to, beneath you in station. Mr. Worldly in the same way speaks of Mrs. Worldly as “my wife” to a gentleman, or “Edith” in speaking to a lady. Always.

In speaking about other people, one says “Mrs.,” “Miss” or “Mr.” as the case may be. It is bad form to go about saying “Edith Worldly” or “Ethel Norman” to those who do not call them Edith or Ethel, and to speak thus familiarly of one whom you do not call by her first name, is unforgivable. It is also effrontery for a younger person to call an older by her or his first name, without being asked to do so. Only a very underbred, thick-skinned person would attempt it.

Diva Ranting: Changes….

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The whole World is changing and all the powers that be… left and right… keep pointing fingers instead of accepting responsibility.  They want all of the power and none of the responsibility.  We actually live in a world that is much not different than when the Nazis were trying to get the world to look like their Third Reich vision of an Aryan nation. We are experiencing weather disaster after another, 2300 earthquakes in Yosemite’s underground volcano this week (I have not done any research to see if scientists think the underground nuclear explosion set off by the North Korean Krazy is an aftershock residual or not). 

Each partisan group wants the other to change to their view of exclusivity. You are no longer allowed to believe and function in any way but their way.  If you asked any of these partisan over-activists what they think of others the reply is usually vulgar, exclusive over entitlement, and narrow-minded.  They do this while waving flags of equality and justice for all….HELLO, People…wake up.  

There is so much of what’s good in the world showing up in Houston.  All nations coming to the aid of one of the world’s greatest natural disasters.  The hawkers and crooks are there as well, but overall the spirit of compassion and giving is thankfully showing up most of all.   That and only that should be our focus.  Celebrate that, support that, be passionate about that.  Donate, make a difference and above all send all of the good energy you can muster up in your prayers and meditations to these people And to all of the suffering worldwide in these days of chaos.  That is how each of us individually can make a difference.  

In gratitude, The Queen Cronista 

Diva Rambling…The Road Less Traveled…

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I never thought in my lifetime that “the road less traveled” would stray so far from the thoughts in the book by the same name, as to become a reference to reprobate behavior.  Theodore Roosevelt once spoke to the need for the “Strenuous Life”.  I was reminded of this as I printed a students paper on the same.  

Today we are only allowed to think in terms of “easy living” a life less stressful, according to “Hollyweird” and all that it pontificates.  Give money to a problem and walk away screaming at the top of our lungs, how unfair all of life is and no one should ever have to work for anything!!!!  Seriously, where would this great nation be if that had happened along the way?  Hello! This great nation would not even exist if that had been the attitude of our founding families and the pioneers.  

If the bad judgment and penchant of modern generations for laziness, idleness, wastefulness, and greed had been present in mass in the early years of our nation, freedom, democracy, and entrepreneurship would NOT exist. 

The Zen masters and Buddha himself tell us to live in the now and make each moment matter.  They do not mean sit on your dead asses and wait, like over-entitled prats, for it all to come to you.  One must make the moments count by industriously putting one’s God given talents to use each moment of the day.   A practiced and focused work-life is the answer to one’s immediate and future needs. 

I’m sure Buddha would have put it more eloquently but not kinder…in other words… get off your lazy ass and make it happen!  It won’t always be easier or gentler, but an honest effort is always rewarded.  Don’t make the Karma Cops show you what happens if you don’t walk the good road less traveled.  

The Crones wish you Good Karma everyday as you travel the right way….

Namaste,

The Queen Cronista

Diva Rant: A Hard Pill to Swallow…..

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So Sandy and I were chatting with our favorite fast food diva Teresa this morning, at the Bell.  We were commenting on how it is the cleanest restaurant in town and what pride they take with the facility.  My diva wasn’t feeling top shelf but was there working her tacos off.  I told her I’d recommend supplements to take that would help a bit.  She said she couldn’t swallow pills so I said I’d get liquid elixirs.  

Then we were chatting about how demon possessed people are getting in the world these days.  We try to see the best in them and they act like burros on peyote.  We particularly noted that Sunday after church is one of the worst times. I have observed that people eating after church, seem so belligerent, rude,  and doubly over entitled.  The leave the smallest tips for the crews that show up to serve them. They leave the place a mess and scowl out.  This is a hard pill for me to swallow.

I use to wonder what got their mornings off to such a bad start.  Then I realized after listening for awhile,  most of these these folks are the people who didn’t go to church! They  are pissed off at the church goers for taking up space on their Sunday’s off.  These humans resent the joy and togetherness of the church families.  They would plot their demise if possible. Happy, joyful humans are the hardest pill of all to swallow for this lot.

These folks are in  a spiritual wasteland… where they have never known joy, laughter or even basic human caring.  There is a drought in their souls that only a good shot of a spirit filled life will ever cure.  We can put all the love and light we have toward them and they will never feel it, or know the joy of sunshine on their faces and the happiness a child’s laugh can bring.  

Stay on your path my Divas! I cringe to think any of you would ever feel this spiritual wasteland in your souls.  I say this, not to be judgy Smurf, but to wish that your diva joy could spread on all the world… so it does not suffer like these poor souls we noted above. I salute my joy Divas!!!!  Thank you for being part of a good prescription that is easy to swallow.  Thank you for bringing your light and love to the world.

Namaste,

The Queen Cronista